Sometimes, despite my best efforts, I feel like I am coming up short. My body bears the brunt of this battle, feeling worn and tender with a mild, persistent ache across my muscles. My ongoing struggle with a kidney condition drains me, leaving me feeling like an empty shell—a zombie, if you will—utterly devoid of energy, craving nothing more than to remain motionless.
Then my thoughts drift back to last night. Even though I was physically spent, sleep eluded me. This isn’t a new ordeal; falling asleep has always been a monumental task for me, requiring intense focus—and ironically, when I’m exhausted, it feels as though I’m too tired even to sleep.
I can’t help but think that my physical condition is tied to these sleep challenges. Yesterday, for instance, I mowed the lawn, a particularly strenuous task. However, I managed to complete it without getting dehydrated, following my doctor’s strict advice to stay hydrated.
Dehydration stresses my kidneys, forcing them to work overtime, so I conscientiously keep up my fluid intake. Sometimes, the heat in Nashville can be overwhelming. This June has been unusually hotter than usual, causing me to sweat excessively. The usual recommended amount of 1.5 liters of water isn’t sufficient anymore. This increase in heat and sweating means I’m likely not drinking enough water, leading to dehydration, which invariably makes it difficult to fall asleep.
Sleep, as we all know, is crucial. It’s become clear that I need to find better strategies to ease myself into rest. Being on numerous medications, I tread carefully around supplements or herbal remedies to avoid any potential interactions. My wife, who used to struggle with sleep herself, has found solace in meditation before bedtime. She was once a night owl, frequently battling to get some rest, but now, meditation helps her drift off quite swiftly.
Living with a kidney condition that leads to chronic fatigue is a constant balancing act. Every day, I have to be mindful of my physical activities, hydration, and sleep preparation. It’s a comprehensive approach, looking after not just my kidney health but my overall well-being. Managing this condition is not just about following doctor’s orders—it’s about adjusting my lifestyle to accommodate my body’s needs.
I’ve learned that self-care is not just a practice but a necessity. It involves listening deeply to my body’s signals and responding patiently and kindly. Whether it’s choosing to rest instead of pushing through another chore or remembering to hydrate diligently, these small decisions significantly impact my quality of life.
As I continue to navigate this journey, I find strength in the small victories—completing daily tasks without compromising my hydration, gradually finding what helps me unwind and rest, and learning from each experience. Living with a chronic condition isn’t just about managing symptoms. It’s about understanding and adapting to your body’s new limits and finding ways to live within them peacefully and productively.
To those who might be on a similar path, know that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed at times. It’s okay to feel like you’re not doing enough, even when you’re doing all you can. The key is exploring, adjusting, and finding what works for you. Patience, persistence, and self-compassion are your best tools on this journey.
This week started on an exciting note for us. “Blueberries have finally hit the markets!” my wife exclaimed joyfully. She’s been diligently checking local farmers’ websites around Nashville, closely monitoring the season’s offerings. Like many other fruits and vegetables, blueberries depend heavily on the weather for their availability. Typically, we’re sure to find them by July, but the hot summer has prompted an earlier harvest this year. My wife is keen on getting a head start, especially since she’ll be busy canning a variety of other summer produce like chilies and tomatoes later in the season.
Thus, early this morning, we went to Franklin’s bustling farmer’s market. Despite the early hours, the place was alive with activity and the vibrant buzz of eager shoppers. Our mission was clear: secure some of those coveted blueberries. Seeing them lined up in neat rows was enough to light up my wife’s face with excitement. We picked up two baskets, but not just for immediate consumption—she plans to freeze them for gradual use in her jam-making endeavors. She finds the canning process quite therapeutic.
Originally, our plan was to return in July for peaches. However, as luck would have it, we stumbled upon the peach truck on our way out of the market. Without hesitation, we grabbed a small sack. The blueberries will become jelly, and the peaches will be transformed into delicious chutney and jam. According to my wife, it’s crucial to process the peaches first before turning our attention to the blueberries. Thankfully, she’s reserved some berries for me to bake into muffins—a treat I’m particularly looking forward to.
Upon returning home, the kitchen turned into a hive of activity. My wife started by thoroughly washing all the fruits. She then boiled a pot of water, perfect for peeling the peaches efficiently. Most of the berries were destined for the freezer, set aside for future jam sessions. Canning is time-consuming, so she prefers to reserve it for weekends when there’s ample time to indulge in the process.
Today also brought a slight deviation from my usual routine. After the morning’s detour to the market and some lingering muscle soreness, I decided to skip my typical exercises. However, I couldn’t let the day go by without some form of physical activity, so I settled for a planking session and a 5k run. It’s important to stay flexible in daily plans and physical exercise!
Our early summer market trips are more than just about stocking up on produce—they’re about making the most of what the season has to offer, engaging in the joyful task of preserving flavors and creating lasting memories. These simple pleasures enrich our lives, bringing bursts of joy and a sense of accomplishment.
I’ve grown increasingly adept at molding myself closer to the ideal version of who I envision myself to be. While I’m not going as far as Wayne from Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn series—whose complete transformation into different personas is on another level—I do take inspiration from certain traits of characters I admire and integrate them into my own personality.
The process starts with identifying a persona that resonates with me, someone whose qualities spark a sense of aspiration within. From there, I customize and adapt these traits to fit my own personal goals and the context of my life. This approach allows me to consciously evolve aspects of my character in a more directed and meaningful way.
Characters from books and movies often inspire me, especially those who are quick-witted, clever, and delightfully mischievous. While these traits are engaging and can be fun to emulate, there’s a fine line between being charmingly cheeky and coming off as tiresome or inappropriate. For instance, Wayne from the Mistborn series is a character I particularly enjoy.
I admire his mischievousness and wit. Still, his quirky habit of trading items like a half-eaten hot dog for something of someone else’s doesn’t translate well into real-life interactions. Copying him 100 % would not endear me to others. I doubt my wife would appreciate it if there was a half-eaten hotdog for a thing I took from her. Therefore, I pick and choose aspects of his demeanor that can be adapted to suit my personality without overstepping social norms.
These days, my quest for a clear role model has become more pronounced. Finding a single person or character who embodies all the qualities I admire would simplify the process of self-improvement. It would provide a clear template to emulate, a solid example of how those traits could be integrated into a well-rounded and respected individual. Until then, I have been somewhat like an artist, selecting different elements from various sources and attempting to create a coherent and attractive whole.
The challenge is to do so without ending up like a patchwork or a clumsily glued pot. It’s about integrating these traits in a way that they form a seamless part of who I am, enhancing my personality rather than overshadowing or contradicting the core of my being.
Hopefully, as I continue on this path, I will discover or develop a role model who perfectly aligns with the vision I have for myself—a person whose traits and demeanor I can strive towards holistically rather than in fragments. This search for a perfect model is not just about imitation but about finding a version of myself that feels authentic and fully realized.
One of the abilities I lost after my stroke was taking a shower by myself. It is ironic, but taking a shower is one of the private activities I enjoy a lot. For the first several months, I had my wife help me take a shower. I always wanted to regain the ability to shower, so I determined to train myself.
It took longer than I would have liked. When you get severe brain trauma, you will forget how to move your limbs. You suddenly feel like you are in a body that I have no control over. I had to be patient about it; it would be dangerous if I started to take my shower without being in control of my ability to move. Slowly, I started to regain mobility.
When I tried to take a shower, I noticed that some of my overcalculated versions of impulsive tendencies due to stroke started to creep into many of my behaviors. In other words, some of these behaviors suddenly overwrite my activities. I need to remember to do some clearing. I quickly realized that I have to be systematic with my activities to control my impulsive tendencies.
How can I overcome this challenge? I decided to use exactly the same method to control my other impulsive tendencies. I used a method very similar to how I trained myself to remember to do many things. I do a series of rituals in the shower. I must remember normal things are not normal for me.
When I realized and contemplated what I thought was normal, I gained the habit of anticipating what would happen throughout the day and deciding how I wished to respond. Believe me, when you don’t have your body’s normal movement, there are many anticipated events. I think about it a lot while I am showering.
Some people may say it is a mental simulation. My wife will say disaster or risk management, and I say that is my normal life. In some ways, my reaction was still impulsive when an anticipated event occurred, but it was at least one more in line with how I had previously decided was preferable. There were also times when my planned response was different from what I should have wished to do. Yet, I find myself with the planned response taking the place of the impulsive reaction.
My day begins between 5:15 and 5:30 a.m. without the jolt of an alarm clock; I wake naturally when my body is ready. To ensure I get the requisite seven hours of sleep, as tracked by my Fitbit, I aim to be in bed by 9 p.m. Sleeping less than this leads to a sluggish day, as I typically lose approximately an hour to wakefulness through the night.
How I start my day is essential—it sets the tone for everything that follows. My morning routine spans from the moment I wake until about 8 a.m., with slight modifications on the days I head into the office by 7 a.m. Nonetheless, I completed most of my routine by the 8 o’clock mark.
via. NightCafe
Harnessing the Morning Light With Early Morning Run
Running in the early morning has become a vital part of my daily routine, not only for the physical benefits but also for the incredible surge of energy it provides. Stepping out into the morning light, I feel as though it infuses me with vitality—an uplifting experience I only discovered after moving to Nashville. Previously, while living in Canada, my runs were typically scheduled during lunch or post-work due to shorter, colder days.
Nashville’s climate posed new challenges with its hot, humid afternoons, making morning runs a more appealing option. Despite the summer heat, morning temperatures here hover between 68°F and 72°F (20C to 22C), which is quite comfortable for running. Even in winter, the occasional freezing temperatures don’t last, making it easier to maintain my routine.
I was annoyed to wake up early to run. However, the benefits soon became apparent once I started running in the morning. The morning light, I learned, plays a crucial role in regulating our internal clock, or circadian rhythm. According to research by Walker et al., consistent exposure to the natural light-dark cycle helps prevent mood and sleep disorders. It can even reduce the risk of chronic diseases (pp.2 – pp.3).
Realizing the profound impact of morning light, I reshuffled my routine to include runs every morning. On office days, I limit myself to a 3km run. This adjustment has allowed me to enjoy the energizing effects of morning exercise without overwhelming my schedule. Now, running isn’t just a part of my routine—it’s a therapeutic start to my day, enhancing my well-being and keeping my internal clock in check.
From Movement to Mindfulness
Running isn’t just a physical activity for me; it’s a powerful catalyst for creativity. As I run, blood circulates vigorously throughout my body, enriching my brain with oxygen and inspiring a flood of ideas. This period of physical exertion becomes a prime time for brainstorming, often leading me to exciting insights and solutions.
Previously, I would listen to audiobooks to pass the time while running, but I found that it stifled my creative process. The audio content overwhelmed my thoughts, blocking the natural flow of ideas. One day, I chose silence over soundtracks; the impact was immediate and profound.
To capture the surge of ideas post-run, I immediately began journaling on my phone before taking a post-run shower. I realized the action of taking a shower made me forget the ideas I generated during my run. So, recording my thoughts became the priority. I use the Notion app on my mobile phone for its accessibility and ease. With just a few taps, I can open the app and log everything that crossed my mind during my run, ensuring that I can revisit and utilize these insights later, all without missing a step in my cool-down routine.
Roma Wasn’t Built In a Day, Nor will be my German.
Dedicating time to learning German is vital to my daily routine, though it might seem modest at first glance. On weekdays, I manage to carve out about 20 minutes, while weekends allow for a more extended study session of 40-50 minutes. Despite the packed nature of my schedule, these 20 minutes are a window where I aim to absorb at least one or two new words each day.
My approach to learning is structured: About 25-30% of my time is spent acquiring new content, and the remainder is devoted to reviewing previous lessons. This method ensures that each new information is reinforced and stored in my long-term memory. On Saturdays, I revisit the material from the last week, and Sundays are reserved for reviewing what I learned a month ago.
This rigorous review process means that most of what I learn becomes deeply embedded in my long-term memory. This gradual, consistent approach works best for me. Learning a little each day and accumulating knowledge over time proves to be more effective and less stressful than trying to cram and risking burnout. It’s a gentle, steady pace—much like a toddler’s steps—that leads to lasting progress.
The Power of Morning Journaling
After I take a shower, I start writing on Morning Journals. The morning journal serves as my mental cleansing ritual, where I offload the clutter from my mind. With this process, focusing on my morning meditation is likely due to the constant barrage of thoughts about upcoming tasks.
This technique was inspired by Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way, where she introduces the concept of “morning pages.” I’ve adapted it into what I call my morning journal. Constantly interrupting what I need to be next prevents me from creating ideas. Not surprisingly, many of these are to-do items, reflecting my preoccupation with what needs to be done next.
My English professor used to tell me to try to make a draft without thinking about grammar first. Now I see her point. This stream of consciousness often reveals how these incessant thoughts prevent me from listening to my inner voice. They keep me tied to a routine, doing what needs to be done rather than what I desire to do. The routine becomes monotonous and controlling.
After journaling, I reflect on what I’ve written and identify the tasks that genuinely resonate with me—those that will bring me joy upon completion. It’s a small practice but has gradually led to deeper self-understanding and a more fulfilling daily life.
Organizing the Day by Crafting an Effective To-Do List
Immediately after journaling each morning, I transition to creating my daily to-do list. I select a few tasks from my morning journal entries and record them in a dotted notebook, which I’ve found more effective than the Post-it notes and Google Calendar methods I used previously.
Drawing from my experience in project management, I approach my personal tasks with similar strategic planning. For any project to be managed effectively, it’s crucial to break down tasks thoroughly, understand their sequence, and recognize dependencies and potential roadblocks—like needing your boss’s approval before proceeding. I’ve honed this detailed structuring over years of managing projects.
Once I’ve laid out my tasks, prioritization is my next step. I determine the most critical tasks and assign them to my peak productivity hours, usually between 10 a.m. and noon. I use Google Calendar for scheduling, which helps me maintain a balanced daily workload and ensures I can handle my challenges.
Not every day is perfect; sometimes, tasks remain unfinished. In such cases, my notebook becomes especially valuable. At the end of each day, I jot down “lessons learned,” reflecting on why I could not complete them. This practice is not just about record-keeping; it’s a tool for continual improvement, allowing me to reflect on my days and improve my productivity over time.
Ritual of My Short Morning Meditation
I have discovered that a brief morning meditation provides a refreshing start to my day. While these sessions are too short to yield significant physiological benefits, they are crucial in setting a positive tone for the day ahead. This practice began as an experiment in April 2024, driven by curiosity, and has since evolved into a cherished part of my morning routine.
Initially, I struggled to establish a consistent meditation habit and found it difficult to focus during these sessions. However, by scheduling meditation after completing my to-do list, I removed the distraction of pending tasks, allowing me to engage more fully with the practice. This sequence helps me clear my mind and approach the day with a calm, focused mindset.
Even when I go to our office, I make sure to fit in a concise meditation. This practice helps center me no matter the length, ensuring I start my day with a clear and focused intention.
Integrating Daily Study Sessions into Lifelong Learning
I dedicate 30-45 minutes to learning after my morning meditation. My approach to continuing education is broad and systematic, incorporating a variety of topics to keep my knowledge base diverse and current. I follow a yearly learning plan, which I adjust monthly based on my immediate needs or if an urgent work requirement demands specific expertise.
Holding several professional designations requires me to complete 30-40 hours of continuing education annually. My morning study sessions contribute significantly towards this goal, allowing me to accumulate approximately 100 hours of continuing education each year. This practice of learning new things not only enriches my professional skills but also energizes me, fueling my enthusiasm for the day ahead.
After absorbing new information, I take a minute to jot down key points on a letter-sized paper. This quick summary helps cement my understanding and provides a reference for future use, often proving invaluable for solving work-related challenges or everyday issues.
Lessons in Persistence Inspired by Ancient Wisdom and My Husband
The ancient Chinese believed that even the gentle drip of water could eventually wear through rock, given enough time. This principle of persistence resonates deeply with me and has influenced the development of my morning routine. While some may view my structured mornings as a sign of hard work, they are more of a commitment to gradual, consistent effort.
My husband’s journey has been a profound inspiration in this regard. After a severe stroke robbed him of his mobility, he had to relearn basic skills one small step at a time. Through unwavering persistence, he runs 10km—better than ever before his stroke—and has regained nearly all his pre-stroke abilities, including cooking and baking. His recovery has been a powerful reminder that small, consistent efforts can lead to significant achievements.
Incorporating activities like waking early, running, and meditating into my routine wasn’t initially enjoyable, yet I recognized their benefits for my productivity. I often started new habits in the past, only to abandon them when they felt uncomfortable. However, influenced by my husband’s example, I adopted a strategy of small, incremental changes, trusting that these efforts would accumulate and become ingrained in my routine. Adapting to include meditation regularly was challenging, but now it’s a seamless part of my morning.
By the time I complete these activities, I am fully prepared to tackle the day’s work or household chores. Despite originally being a night owl, I’ve discovered that an early start leads to a more productive, energized day. Due to time constraints, I often move through my morning tasks with a sense of urgency, which adds intensity to the process. This brisk start charges me up and creates momentum that carries me through the rest of the day with vitality and purpose.
Reference
Walker, W. H., Walton, James C., DeVrie, A. C., & Nelson, R. J. (2020). Circadian rhythm disruption and mental health. Translational Psychiatry, 1–13. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41398-020-0694-0
From a young age, I’ve battled with an impulsive streak. Ideas would hardly settle in my mind before I found myself acting on them. This trait often landed me in hot water, especially during my school days. I recall sitting in class, deeming the lecture both dull and incorrect, and voicing my disagreement without a moment’s hesitation. Over time, I learned to curb these impulses, training myself to pause and make conscious choices before reacting. Although perfection eluded me, I gradually gained a semblance of control over my actions, a victory in its own right.
However, this hard-earned self-control was one of the casualties of my stroke. Suddenly, I found myself grappling anew with my old impulsivity, which made itself known in ways both frustrating and perilous, particularly during my initial stay at a care center. A typical example was my frequent, middle-of-the-night awakenings with an urgent need for bathroom use. Under normal circumstances, this would be a straightforward, albeit annoying, situation. However, in my post-stroke weakened state, these moments became fraught with danger.
I vividly remember one such instance when, on the immediate impulse to get out of bed, I sprawled on the floor. The loud buzzing of an alarm followed, signaling a nurse to my unintended distress call. After triggering the bed’s alarm system, I faced a stern reprimand. I was instructed to press a call button and wait for assistance instead of attempting to rise. Despite this clear directive, the impulse to get up before remembering to press the button happened repeatedly, each incident a stark reminder of my diminished control.
As the frequency of these accidents increased, my wife and mother alternated nights by my side, vigilantly ensuring that I didn’t fall out of bed. This period of intense vulnerability was humbling and highlighted the extent to which my stroke had stripped away the coping mechanisms I had painstakingly developed over the years. Alongside the resurgence of impulsivity, I discovered a heightened distractibility that made concentration a formidable challenge.
Reflecting on these experiences, I recognize that the journey of recovery and adaptation is as much about relearning and restructuring old strategies as it is about physical rehabilitation. The process is slow and often discouraging, but it is also filled with moments of profound learning and personal insight. Regaining control over my impulsivity hasn’t just been about preventing physical falls; it’s been crucial in reestablishing a sense of agency and self-assurance shaken by my stroke.
In sharing my story, I hope to offer solace and understanding to those navigating similar challenges. Whether it’s due to a stroke or another life-altering event, the path to reclaiming bits of oneself can be arduous and steep. Yet, with perseverance and support, gradual progress is possible. It’s a testament to the human spirit’s resilience and adaptability to unforeseen changes.
Life with my wife is always bustling with activity. Today, for instance, she’s swamped with work-related meetings stretching into the evening, nudging us to have dinner unusually early. Her work-from-home setup extends to four days a week, a decision influenced partly by my inability to drive since my stroke. We own a manual car, which she skillfully manages, a skill sharpened by her Canadian living, accustomed as she is to navigating snowy roads. Now, her driving duties include ferrying me around as well.
Fortunately, our residence’s location is strategic, just a stone’s throw from essential services like our dentist and general doctor, yet she still has to drive me to various appointments.
Household chores are a joint responsibility, but my wife takes on more demanding tasks like home maintenance or renovations, mostly on weekends. Despite her flexible work arrangement, her days are typically jam-packed. When she’s not buried in work, she’s either accumulating continuing education credits for her professional designations, diving into new languages, exploring technology, conducting research, or writing. Occasionally, she expresses a longing for more leisure reading time.
I’ve taken on more household duties to support her and tailored my schedule to sync better with hers. This allows us to enjoy joint activities like visiting the farmer’s market or spending quality time together. Adjusting my commitments has proven more straightforward and helps ease the pressures of her dense schedule.
Today, I plan to stick to my routine, which includes a morning run. To make the most of our time together, I’m committed to starting as early as possible, avoiding delays in my other morning rituals. While I’m on track, the day has yet to unfold completely.
Navigating life with my wife’s busy schedule requires flexibility, understanding, and a lot of teamwork. Each day brings challenges and triumphs, but together, we make every moment count.
Yesterday was a successful day in my ongoing battle against the ever-growing grass in my yard. As I pushed the mower back and forth under the sweltering sun, I made it a point to keep myself well-hydrated—a critical practice not just for my general health but particularly vital due to my kidney issues.
Hydration is essential for everyone, healthy or otherwise, but it becomes even more crucial when managing kidney dysfunction. While at a rehabilitation center, healthcare professionals emphasized the importance of drinking at least 2 liters of water daily. The kidneys play a pivotal role in filtering our blood and producing urine. Dehydration can lead to a higher concentration of minerals in your urine, which can crystallize and pose risks to kidney health. Ensuring adequate fluid intake helps the kidneys efficiently remove waste from the body.
Living in Nashville, where summer temperatures often soar above 95°F (35°C), staying active outdoors requires strategic planning, especially given my health condition. Whether running my regular routes or tending to my garden, I pause every 30 minutes to drink water. Although slightly disruptive, hydration breaks are non-negotiable for someone with kidney issues like mine. It takes a moment to muster the energy to continue my task each time, but maintaining optimal hydration levels is a top priority.
Despite the challenges, my kidney dysfunction doesn’t deter me from enjoying and engaging in outdoor activities. It’s all about adapting and finding ways to manage my condition while still living actively. This balance is crucial not only for my physical health but also for my mental well-being. Staying active and outdoors keeps me invigorated and connected to the world around me.
In conclusion, managing kidney health doesn’t mean you have to give up your active lifestyle. With the proper precautions, like regular hydration breaks, anyone can continue enjoying the benefits of outdoor activities. It’s about listening to your body, understanding its needs, and adjusting to support your health. This means venturing too far with a water bottle in hand and always planning for necessary pauses that allow me to stay hydrated and healthy.
Living in the United States, one inevitably encounters news of school shootings. One of the most recent tragic events I can recall was the shooting at Covenant School in Green Hills, Nashville, Tennessee, which resulted in six deaths. These incidents are deeply unsettling. Schools are supposed to be safe havens where students and teachers return home safely each day. Yet, on March 27, 2023, this expectation was shattered for many.
Statistics reveal the alarming frequency of school shootings in the United States, especially after the pandemic. According to the National Center for Education Statistics (September 2023), between 2000 and 2021, there were 108 homicides and 168 injuries caused by 47 active shooters in schools. In the 2019-2020 school year alone, there were 25 school-related deaths, including 23 homicides and one suicide.
Isolated – generated by NightCafe
Why did I open this blog by discussing these uncomfortable statistics? Reading “Nineteen Minutes” by Jodi Picoult prompted me to delve deeper into this issue. The novel built upon a layer of a school shooting from various perspectives, challenging my preconceived notions about shooters simply being evil and deserving punishment. It compelled me to confront the complex underlying issues contributing to such tragedies. Then, the thought makes me wonder if there are any ways to prevent school shootings.
Jodi Picoult’s powerful novel “19 Minutes” is a story about a devastating school shooting perpetrated by a high school student, Peter Hungton. In a harrowing nineteen-minute span, Peter takes the lives of ten people and injures nine others, leaving an indelible scar on the entire community in the rural town of Stealing City in New Hampshire.
When a detective first enters the school locker rooms. He found two bodies, Matt Royston’s, a famous athlete, and his girlfriend, Josie Cormier’s. Their bodies were found together in the locker room covered by blood. Matt was shot twice, while Josie finds herself amidst the chaos, covered in blood, though physically almost unharmed.
Jodie, once Peter’s childhood friend, drifted away to join the school’s elite, leaving Peter alone. Not only did she leave Peter, but she started dating one of Peter’s bullies, Matt Roystone. No matter how much Jodie tried to forget her old self, she found herself sandwiched between the self-image of the school elite and the rest. While balancing life at the school site and the past life with Peter, Josie grapples with conflicting emotions toward Peter and Matt.
Alex Cormier, Josie’s mother and a judge, faces dual challenges as a single parent and a professional handling the legal aftermath of the tragedy. Her daughter has no memory of the shooting and closed up her mind toward her mothers. Alex feels that she failed to be a good mother.
The narrative unfolds through multiple viewpoints, including Peter’s troubled perspective, Josie’s internal struggle, Alex’s ethical dilemmas, and the perspectives of key figures like detective Patrick Ducharme and defense attorney Jordan McAfee. While delving into the perspectives of many in this book, I realized that the issue is more complex than it seemed.
Instinctively, Detective Patric sensed the key to solving this case was to solve one of the puzzles about why Josie was not hurt at all. Yet, there is no way to find out from Josie since she seems to block out the memory of the shooting.
As the trial unfolds, Picoult skillfully exposes the layers of bullying and social ostracism that plagued Peter’s school life, largely unchecked by adults and peers alike. The novel delves deeply into societal issues, questioning the support systems and the lack of prevention of such catastrophic events.
Bullying and Its Impact on Adolescent Shooters
Is what this novel said true? I had to investigate the profile of the shooter. I found out that the majority of the active shooters at education centers are teenagers. Then, I found something disturbing. Many seem to have something in common. Research into the profiles of shooters reveals a common trait among many: 80% of them have experienced bullying, with 57% enduring bullying episodes lasting more than a week (Merod & Arundel, 2024).
These shooters often cite their experiences of being bullied as a pivotal factor in their actions. For instance, the shooter at Watson High School blamed bullies, teachers, social services, and the school for not intervening during his ordeal (Kowalski, March 29, 2023). Similarly, the shooter at Madison High School expressed feelings of being ostracized and unsupported, even by his own mother (para. 3).
Adolescents, Bullying, and Gun Carrying
Adolescents’ brains are a little different from that of adults. Neurologically, adolescents are still developing their frontal lobes, which can lead to a higher tolerance for risky decisions and impulsive actions based on uncertainty (Hartley & Somerville, 2015).
When horrible bullying occurs to adolescents without any intervention, one day, some will pick a gun to end their atrocious life at school. Adolescents who have been bullied have a 49% higher chance of carrying a gun compared to those who have not been bullied (Merod & Arundel, January 10, 2024). These neurological factors can contribute to adolescents’ responses to bullying and their access to firearms.
In “19 Minutes,” a poignant insight from a psychology expert highlights how a single incident of bullying in childhood can be as traumatic over time as a single instance of sexual abuse. Those horrible experiences are often blocked out from their memory; however, the rest will remember and scur them for life. Others may dismiss these experiences as minor parts of school life, while these experiences profoundly impact individuals like Peter.
A Call for Understanding and Support
Data indicates that the number of school shooting incidents has been increasing since the start of the pandemic. Psychologists hypothesize that people are missing out on face-to-face social interactions due to the restrictions placed on them. As a result, troubled adolescents may be experiencing even greater social isolation than before the pandemic. When I discovered this, I started to see why psychologists see people, and support could be the key to stopping tragedies.
There are similarities in characters between Hanna, from 13 Reasons Why, and Peter, from 19 Minutes. Both are crying for acknowledgment that they are loved by someone. However, their cries for help were unheard or insufficiently supported, leading to tragic outcomes that blur the lines between self-harm and violence against others. There are fine lines between them.
I checked to see if the case prevented school shootings and then came across Aaron Stark’s TED Talk. Aaron Stark (Stark, 2018) described his troubled adolescence as feeling like an outcast and unloved. Stark talked about his past experience of almost causing a school shooting. Stark felt like he had been outcasted and neglected by his parents. This horrible life must be stopped. He got a gun for a specific mission to harm others and himself. Then, he was stopped by a friend. His story underscores the critical importance of reaching out to troubled adolescents and providing them with support and intervention before it’s too late.
Conclusion: Understanding the Impact of Bullying
“19 Minutes” provides a poignant exploration of school bullying. It challenges readers to confront uncomfortable questions about culpability and the societal pressures young people face. The novel explores the boundaries of empathy and justice, urging a deeper consideration of what it means to be an outsider and the devastating outcomes when a community fails to nurture and protect all its members. Through its richly drawn characters and emotionally charged plot, “19 Minutes” asks a fundamental question: Can we truly judge Peter without first examining the world that shaped him?
As I navigate these sensitive issues, it becomes evident that proactive measures and empathetic responses are crucial in shaping a safer and more supportive environment for all adolescents. There is an urgent need for support and understanding for troubled youth. By fostering empathy and addressing the root causes of bullying and isolation, we can work towards preventing future tragedies and nurturing healthier communities. This book made me think about the importance of early intervention and community support in preventing tragedies.
Hartley, C. A., & Somerville, L. H. (2015). The neuroscience of adolescent decision-making. Current Opinion in Behavioral Sciences, 5, 108–115. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cobeha.2015.09.004
National Center for Education Statistics. (September, 2023). Violent Deaths at School and Away From School, School Shootings, and Active Shooter Incidents (Annual Reports and Information Staff). [Annual Reports]. https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/a01
I’ve faced some real challenges with my exercise progress recently. After returning from Florida, I haven’t managed to up the weight in my curls.
I tire out quickly, and it’s taking me longer to bounce back from muscle soreness than it used to. The crux of the issue lies in muscle recovery. Given my compromised kidney function, I’m restricted to consuming just 35 grams of protein a day. There are times I wonder if my kidneys were healthier, could I increase my protein intake and, by extension, build more muscle? However, I’ve learned to work within my limits and maintain patience with my body’s pace.
Recognizing the importance of patience, I also realize the need for adaptation in my approach to fitness. Given my difficulties with muscle recovery, I’m contemplating introducing multiple weight-training sessions throughout the day. I’m considering adding a second set, perhaps before my evening meal. This idea has just been on my radar, primarily because I hadn’t found the right time or a consistent trigger for this addition to my routine.
Tomorrow marks the beginning of this new strategy. Following my usual run, I’ll get supper ready and shower. Then, I’ll perform a second set of weight training before I sit down to eat. This additional session is an experiment to see if increasing the frequency of my workouts can accelerate my progress.
