Category: Brian’s Journey

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Crafting My Persona by Choosing and Adapting Traits for Personal Growth

Written 6/19/2024

Hello Dear Readers,

I’ve grown increasingly adept at molding myself closer to the ideal version of who I envision myself to be. While I’m not going as far as Wayne from Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn series—whose complete transformation into different personas is on another level—I do take inspiration from certain traits of characters I admire and integrate them into my own personality.

The process starts with identifying a persona that resonates with me, someone whose qualities spark a sense of aspiration within. From there, I customize and adapt these traits to fit my own personal goals and the context of my life. This approach allows me to consciously evolve aspects of my character in a more directed and meaningful way.

Characters from books and movies often inspire me, especially those who are quick-witted, clever, and delightfully mischievous. While these traits are engaging and can be fun to emulate, there’s a fine line between being charmingly cheeky and coming off as tiresome or inappropriate. For instance, Wayne from the Mistborn series is a character I particularly enjoy. 

I admire his mischievousness and wit. Still, his quirky habit of trading items like a half-eaten hot dog for something of someone else’s doesn’t translate well into real-life interactions. Copying him 100 % would not endear me to others. I doubt my wife would appreciate it if there was a half-eaten hotdog for a thing I took from her. Therefore, I pick and choose aspects of his demeanor that can be adapted to suit my personality without overstepping social norms.

These days, my quest for a clear role model has become more pronounced. Finding a single person or character who embodies all the qualities I admire would simplify the process of self-improvement. It would provide a clear template to emulate, a solid example of how those traits could be integrated into a well-rounded and respected individual. Until then, I have been somewhat like an artist, selecting different elements from various sources and attempting to create a coherent and attractive whole.

The challenge is to do so without ending up like a patchwork or a clumsily glued pot. It’s about integrating these traits in a way that they form a seamless part of who I am, enhancing my personality rather than overshadowing or contradicting the core of my being.

Hopefully, as I continue on this path, I will discover or develop a role model who perfectly aligns with the vision I have for myself—a person whose traits and demeanor I can strive towards holistically rather than in fragments. This search for a perfect model is not just about imitation but about finding a version of myself that feels authentic and fully realized.

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Mastering Shower Routines After a Stroke to regain Independence

Written 6/17/2024

Hello Dear Readers,

One of the abilities I lost after my stroke was taking a shower by myself. It is ironic, but taking a shower is one of the private activities I enjoy a lot. For the first several months, I had my wife help me take a shower. I always wanted to regain the ability to shower, so I determined to train myself.

It took longer than I would have liked. When you get severe brain trauma, you will forget how to move your limbs. You suddenly feel like you are in a body that I have no control over. I had to be patient about it; it would be dangerous if I started to take my shower without being in control of my ability to move. Slowly, I started to regain mobility.

When I tried to take a shower, I noticed that some of my overcalculated versions of impulsive tendencies due to stroke started to creep into many of my behaviors. In other words, some of these behaviors suddenly overwrite my activities. I need to remember to do some clearing. I quickly realized that I have to be systematic with my activities to control my impulsive tendencies. 

How can I overcome this challenge? I decided to use exactly the same method to control my other impulsive tendencies. I used a method very similar to how I trained myself to remember to do many things. I do a series of rituals in the shower. I must remember normal things are not normal for me.

When I realized and contemplated what I thought was normal, I gained the habit of anticipating what would happen throughout the day and deciding how I wished to respond. Believe me, when you don’t have your body’s normal movement, there are many anticipated events. I think about it a lot while I am showering. 

Some people may say it is a mental simulation. My wife will say disaster or risk management, and I say that is my normal life. In some ways, my reaction was still impulsive when an anticipated event occurred, but it was at least one more in line with how I had previously decided was preferable. There were also times when my planned response was different from what I should have wished to do. Yet, I find myself with the planned response taking the place of the impulsive reaction.

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Controlling The Turbulent Waters of Impulsivity After a Stroke

Written 6/16/2024

Hello Dear Readers,

From a young age, I’ve battled with an impulsive streak. Ideas would hardly settle in my mind before I found myself acting on them. This trait often landed me in hot water, especially during my school days. I recall sitting in class, deeming the lecture both dull and incorrect, and voicing my disagreement without a moment’s hesitation. Over time, I learned to curb these impulses, training myself to pause and make conscious choices before reacting. Although perfection eluded me, I gradually gained a semblance of control over my actions, a victory in its own right.

However, this hard-earned self-control was one of the casualties of my stroke. Suddenly, I found myself grappling anew with my old impulsivity, which made itself known in ways both frustrating and perilous, particularly during my initial stay at a care center. A typical example was my frequent, middle-of-the-night awakenings with an urgent need for bathroom use. Under normal circumstances, this would be a straightforward, albeit annoying, situation. However, in my post-stroke weakened state, these moments became fraught with danger.

I vividly remember one such instance when, on the immediate impulse to get out of bed, I sprawled on the floor. The loud buzzing of an alarm followed, signaling a nurse to my unintended distress call. After triggering the bed’s alarm system, I faced a stern reprimand. I was instructed to press a call button and wait for assistance instead of attempting to rise. Despite this clear directive, the impulse to get up before remembering to press the button happened repeatedly, each incident a stark reminder of my diminished control.

As the frequency of these accidents increased, my wife and mother alternated nights by my side, vigilantly ensuring that I didn’t fall out of bed. This period of intense vulnerability was humbling and highlighted the extent to which my stroke had stripped away the coping mechanisms I had painstakingly developed over the years. Alongside the resurgence of impulsivity, I discovered a heightened distractibility that made concentration a formidable challenge.

Reflecting on these experiences, I recognize that the journey of recovery and adaptation is as much about relearning and restructuring old strategies as it is about physical rehabilitation. The process is slow and often discouraging, but it is also filled with moments of profound learning and personal insight. Regaining control over my impulsivity hasn’t just been about preventing physical falls; it’s been crucial in reestablishing a sense of agency and self-assurance shaken by my stroke.

In sharing my story, I hope to offer solace and understanding to those navigating similar challenges. Whether it’s due to a stroke or another life-altering event, the path to reclaiming bits of oneself can be arduous and steep. Yet, with perseverance and support, gradual progress is possible. It’s a testament to the human spirit’s resilience and adaptability to unforeseen changes.

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Navigating Everyday Life with My Busy Partner

Written 6/14/2024

Hello Dear Readers,

Life with my wife is always bustling with activity. Today, for instance, she’s swamped with work-related meetings stretching into the evening, nudging us to have dinner unusually early. Her work-from-home setup extends to four days a week, a decision influenced partly by my inability to drive since my stroke. We own a manual car, which she skillfully manages, a skill sharpened by her Canadian living, accustomed as she is to navigating snowy roads. Now, her driving duties include ferrying me around as well.

Fortunately, our residence’s location is strategic, just a stone’s throw from essential services like our dentist and general doctor, yet she still has to drive me to various appointments.

Household chores are a joint responsibility, but my wife takes on more demanding tasks like home maintenance or renovations, mostly on weekends. Despite her flexible work arrangement, her days are typically jam-packed. When she’s not buried in work, she’s either accumulating continuing education credits for her professional designations, diving into new languages, exploring technology, conducting research, or writing. Occasionally, she expresses a longing for more leisure reading time.

I’ve taken on more household duties to support her and tailored my schedule to sync better with hers. This allows us to enjoy joint activities like visiting the farmer’s market or spending quality time together. Adjusting my commitments has proven more straightforward and helps ease the pressures of her dense schedule.

Today, I plan to stick to my routine, which includes a morning run. To make the most of our time together, I’m committed to starting as early as possible, avoiding delays in my other morning rituals. While I’m on track, the day has yet to unfold completely.

Navigating life with my wife’s busy schedule requires flexibility, understanding, and a lot of teamwork. Each day brings challenges and triumphs, but together, we make every moment count.

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Hydration Hacks for Outdoor Activities: A Personal Journey with Kidney Care

Written on June 7th, 2024

Hello Dear Readers,

Yesterday was a successful day in my ongoing battle against the ever-growing grass in my yard. As I pushed the mower back and forth under the sweltering sun, I made it a point to keep myself well-hydrated—a critical practice not just for my general health but particularly vital due to my kidney issues.

Hydration is essential for everyone, healthy or otherwise, but it becomes even more crucial when managing kidney dysfunction. While at a rehabilitation center, healthcare professionals emphasized the importance of drinking at least 2 liters of water daily. The kidneys play a pivotal role in filtering our blood and producing urine. Dehydration can lead to a higher concentration of minerals in your urine, which can crystallize and pose risks to kidney health. Ensuring adequate fluid intake helps the kidneys efficiently remove waste from the body.

Living in Nashville, where summer temperatures often soar above 95°F (35°C), staying active outdoors requires strategic planning, especially given my health condition. Whether running my regular routes or tending to my garden, I pause every 30 minutes to drink water. Although slightly disruptive, hydration breaks are non-negotiable for someone with kidney issues like mine. It takes a moment to muster the energy to continue my task each time, but maintaining optimal hydration levels is a top priority.

Despite the challenges, my kidney dysfunction doesn’t deter me from enjoying and engaging in outdoor activities. It’s all about adapting and finding ways to manage my condition while still living actively. This balance is crucial not only for my physical health but also for my mental well-being. Staying active and outdoors keeps me invigorated and connected to the world around me.

In conclusion, managing kidney health doesn’t mean you have to give up your active lifestyle. With the proper precautions, like regular hydration breaks, anyone can continue enjoying the benefits of outdoor activities. It’s about listening to your body, understanding its needs, and adjusting to support your health. This means venturing too far with a water bottle in hand and always planning for necessary pauses that allow me to stay hydrated and healthy.

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Navigating Fitness Challenges with Compromised Kidneys

Written on June 2, 2024

Hello Dear Readers,

I’ve faced some real challenges with my exercise progress recently. After returning from Florida, I haven’t managed to up the weight in my curls.

I tire out quickly, and it’s taking me longer to bounce back from muscle soreness than it used to. The crux of the issue lies in muscle recovery. Given my compromised kidney function, I’m restricted to consuming just 35 grams of protein a day. There are times I wonder if my kidneys were healthier, could I increase my protein intake and, by extension, build more muscle? However, I’ve learned to work within my limits and maintain patience with my body’s pace.

Recognizing the importance of patience, I also realize the need for adaptation in my approach to fitness. Given my difficulties with muscle recovery, I’m contemplating introducing multiple weight-training sessions throughout the day. I’m considering adding a second set, perhaps before my evening meal. This idea has just been on my radar, primarily because I hadn’t found the right time or a consistent trigger for this addition to my routine.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of this new strategy. Following my usual run, I’ll get supper ready and shower. Then, I’ll perform a second set of weight training before I sit down to eat. This additional session is an experiment to see if increasing the frequency of my workouts can accelerate my progress.

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Navigating the Challenges of Recovery and Daily Routines

Written 5/31

Hello Dear Readers,

Today, I lagged behind my usual routine due to an unexpected oversleep. Let me share how my day got off to a slower start. Exhaustion took hold of me last night, a remnant from hours spent mowing the lawn. It’s a taxing endeavor, especially when grappling with a compromised kidney function. Fatigue becomes a constant, unwelcome companion when your kidneys aren’t functioning optimally.

In my journey to recovery post-brainstroke, I’ve committed to regular exercise to boost my overall activity levels. This has indeed infused more energy into my days. Nevertheless, there are occasions when, despite a whole night’s rest, I feel unusually drained. Last night was such an instance. I went to bed on time, expecting sufficient sleep to recharge me.

I was awakened by my alarm this morning, ready to start the day. However, as I was about to rise, my wife initiated her post-run shower. My morning routine invariably begins with a bathroom visit, so I opted to wait for her to finish. Unfortunately, the coziness of my bed proved too seductive, and I drifted back to sleep.

This very scenario is why my occupational therapist has been adamant about the importance of maintaining a robust schedule and regular physical activity to strengthen my body’s endurance. It’s crucial for managing my health, particularly with my renal challenges.

Understanding the toll that kidney issues can take on energy levels, my wife is occasionally inclined to let me sleep a bit longer. To circumvent future disruptions, I plan to ask her to notify me when she’s done with her shower. Fortunately, today’s agenda is relatively relaxed, so this minor hiccup in my schedule should be manageable.

Moving forward, it’s clear that balancing my health needs with daily responsibilities will require some adjustments. It’s a manageable challenge that involves better communication and a little more planning. After all, maintaining a steady pace in life’s race can sometimes mean being flexible and adaptive to the unexpected.

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Overcoming Challenges: Running with Lost Thermocontrol

Written 5/30

Hello Dear Readers,

Temperature plays a critical role in my daily life and physical activities due to my compromised ability to regulate body heat following a stroke. Living in Nashville, where temperatures can soar, has posed unique challenges to my running regimen. Initially, the heat negatively impacted my running pace, causing frustration and a temptation to make excuses for skipping my runs.

However, a recent drop in temperature has brought unexpected improvements to my running performance. I ran faster than my target pace yesterday and even set a new personal record for a 5K using a new running app. This clear indication of how much the weather affects my running was both surprising and encouraging.

Aside from my own physical activities, conversations at home often revolve around neuroscience, thanks to my wife’s passion for the subject. She recently reviewed a forthcoming book on the brain, seizing yet another opportunity to delve into a topic she loves. Our discussions often lead back to my own experiences, especially how keeping a running log helps maintain my motivation. Unlike the daily fluctuations, which can be disheartening, looking at monthly trends in my log shows a significant improvement in my speed, which is incredibly rewarding.

My wife’s admiration for my progress is a constant source of support. She marvels at how I’ve gone from being unable to walk ten years ago to completing 10K runs today. Her respect and encouragement play a massive role in my ongoing journey of recovery and perseverance.

Despite never using the hot weather as an excuse to avoid running, I acknowledge the internal battle against the temptation to give in on particularly sweltering days. These moments of weakness, where the voice in my head suggests it’s okay to stop, are challenging. However, staying vigilant and committed to my goals is crucial.

In conclusion, my journey through recovering thermocontrol and maintaining an active lifestyle post-stroke is filled with ups and downs, influenced heavily by external conditions like the weather. Yet, it’s also a testament to personal resilience and the importance of looking at the broader picture rather than getting bogged down by temporary setbacks. As I continue to run, each step is not just about pace or endurance but about overcoming the odds and pushing forward, no matter the temperature.

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Embracing a Quiet Saturday: Our Plans for a Leisurely Weekend

We’ve been gifted a free Saturday for the first time in several weeks. It’s been a hectic period, and this reprieve feels like a gentle exhale. While our usual chores beckon, there are no additional errands, family visits, or specific shopping trips crowding our agenda. The next burst of activity won’t come until the end of June when we venture out to pick blueberries.

In my mind, we were completely obligation-free. However, I quickly discovered that was only my perspective. As I settled into what I thought would be a lazy morning, I wandered into my room only to hear about my wife’s detailed cleaning agenda for the weekend. She’s set her sights on tackling the garage and reorganizing our storage room/pantry in preparation for the bustling month of June. Post-July will be dominated by our annual canning spree, making this the perfect time for such endeavors.

I’ve promised to assist with clearing out and tidying up whatever she deems necessary on this relatively calm Saturday. Aside from the cleaning, she’s also planned to whip up another batch of homemade tofu and has tasked me with bottling the kombucha, which I aim to do right after breakfast.

Though initially, I pictured a day spent lounging; my Saturday will be productive in a different yet equally satisfying way. Engaging in these practical tasks not only prepares us for the busier days ahead but also brings a sense of accomplishment and readiness for whatever the weeks ahead throw our way.

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Weathering the Heat: The Urgency of Air Conditioning in Nashville

Written 5/23/2024

Hello Dear Readers,

Our air conditioner has given up. Let me tell you, not having air conditioning in Nashville is nothing short of a disaster. The timing couldn’t be worse, with the mercury climbing increasingly uncomfortable. Without our usual setting of a modest 73-74°F, the malfunction of our cooling unit is becoming more than a mere inconvenience.

Fortunately, the service company that has helped us in the past is set to visit later today. It will be a relief to regain control over our indoor climate.

Reflecting on past experiences, I recall living in West Lafayette, Indiana, during my high school years, where we didn’t have an air conditioning system. Similarly, when my wife and I spent in Portland, Oregon, we managed without air conditioning. Summers there can be pretty hot, but the weather remains dry, and the nights abruptly bring starkly cooler temperatures. Keeping windows open at night to let in the cool air allows us to maintain a relatively comfortable atmosphere inside our home without needing constant air conditioning.

The scenario in Nashville, however, presents a stark contrast. Here, the combination of heat and humidity during the summer months makes the air feel oppressively hot. It’s astonishing how quickly we’ve adapted to the necessity of having air conditioning during the hot season, considering we’ve been Nashville residents for just over five years.

The swift reliance on air conditioning here speaks volumes about the local climate’s demands. In humid conditions, the actual temperature can feel exponentially hotter, which emphasizes the essential role of a functional air conditioning system in maintaining a livable environment.

Navigating this temporary discomfort has reminded me of the diverse climate adaptations required in different regions. Each place we’ve lived has offered its own unique challenges and solutions when it comes to dealing with heat. While natural ventilation sufficed in the cooler, dry nights of Portland, the humid and oppressive heat of a Nashville summer makes air conditioning not just a luxury but a necessity.

As we await the repair service, the thought of soon being able to adjust the temperature with a simple click of a button brings a sigh of relief. The ability to control one’s living environment is not only a matter of comfort but also of well-being, especially in regions where the weather can pose a significant challenge to both.

As I sit here, feeling the gradual increase in indoor temperature, I’m reminded of the importance of having reliable and efficient home systems and the peace of mind that comes with it. For now, the countdown to the repair technician’s arrival continues, and with it, the anticipation of returning to a cooler, more comfortable home environment.