Category: Brian’s Journey

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Key To Change Yourself Better Is Leaning From Your Mistakes

Written 6/26/2024

Hello Dear Readers,

Sometimes, taking care of our bodies means working toward improving small things. Recently, I had the experience of getting a disappointing lab result, which turned out to be because I was too dehydrated. I now make sure every day that I drink 1.5 – 2.0 liters of water, which is the recommended intake for my body.

Before my kidney failure, I ignored how much I drank or anything like that. When you get hit with trauma such as a brain stroke, you start to wonder what you have been doing all wrong. Well, there are no benefits in crying about my past. All I had to do was make changes to my lifestyle to sustain my kidneys’ health. It is a trial-and-error process. It is a long process, as sometimes you do not see the results as fast as you want.

After the last lab experience, this will not happen to me again. The level of activities or external environmental factors such as weather can drastically impact your body. Sometimes, I need to adjust the amount of water I am drinking.

Making this little change into a habit is tricky. For example, I started mowing the lawn but needed to remember to take some water. It never occurred to me to bring a water bottle when I did a few hours of mowing. Interestingly, we are all cursed with habit no matter how much we try to change our past behaviors. Now, I know I have to keep hydrating. So, I stopped mowing, got water, and resumed rather than just pushing through without water.

It’s important to reinforce this good decision. Even small steps are worth taking and celebrating if they’re in the right direction. Making sure to stay hydrated is just one of those small steps that can have a big impact on overall health.

I’ve learned through this journey that maintaining health requires continuous effort and adaptation. It’s about listening to your body and making adjustments as needed. Sometimes, it’s easy to get caught up in daily routines and forget the essentials, like drinking enough water. But we can significantly improve our health by being mindful and making small, consistent changes.

For anyone dealing with similar issues, remember that it’s okay to make mistakes. The important thing is you will learn from them. It’s part of the process. The key is to keep trying and not give up. Every small change adds up over time, leading to better health and well-being.

It is crucial to take care of our bodies by making small improvements, like staying properly hydrated. My experience has taught me the importance of paying attention to my body’s needs and making necessary adjustments. It’s a journey of trial and error, but we can achieve a healthier lifestyle with persistence and mindfulness.

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I Improved My Kidney From Stage 5 to Stage 3

Written on July 7, 2024

Hello Dear Readers,

Reflecting on the strategies my wife and I implemented to improve my kidney health, I recalled a piece of simple yet profound advice: “If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.” For my kidney health, this meant addressing the issues causing harm. My primary problem was high blood pressure. A nephrologist explained its impact on kidneys by comparing it to spraying water through a paper filter at high pressure, which can tear the paper. Although kidney filtration involves more chemical processes, the tissues involved are delicate.

The hole was my blood pressure in my case. To manage my condition, we made some changes to my medications, selecting ones less harsh on my kidneys and organizing them in a medication box to ensure I wouldn’t forget a dose.

Our approach was threefold: medication, diet, and exercise. Regularly monitoring my blood pressure helped us evaluate the effectiveness of these methods and make necessary adjustments.

We worked with our doctor to adjust some of the medication I was taking after the brain stroke. Some of the medication I was taking was invasive to my kidney. 

Dietary adjustments were crucial. My wife, who usually uses minimal salt, helped reduce our sodium intake further. We also cut down on store-bought processed foods, opting for homemade meals. I needed to carefully monitor my intake of proteins and phosphorus, frequently consulting food lists to avoid them. Cheese and chocolate, which I love a lot, are also included. It is not that I cannot eat them completely, but I have to be mindful about eating them. Although this required some adjustments, it was more manageable than anticipated.

Exercise also played a significant role. After experiencing a brain stroke, my wife, a runner, encouraged me to take up running. She had recommended me before, but this time, she was very adamant about it. She loves digging into neuroscience books way before my stroke. She thought the key was some cardio that used my legs. This was in 2016.

Starting with just over a mile, I gradually increased my distance. We went to pick up a pair of good Nike running shoes that year. That was my first serious pair of running shoes. My wife said it was like a ritual. Surprisingly, the pair of good running shoes motivated me. I was surprised to find out how much shoes impact your running. I gradually increased my running, and now I can run 10km without problems. In the beginning, I did not initially enjoy running, but now I enjoy running. I grew to appreciate it as it aided my brain’s recovery.

When I suffered the brain stroke, I was diagnosed with stage 5 Chronic Kidney Disease, indicating severe damage with almost no kidney function remaining, necessitating my addition to the transplant list and starting peritoneal dialysis. However, nearly a decade later, with persistent efforts and lifestyle changes, my condition has improved to stage 3 Chronic Kidney Disease, and I am no longer on the transplant list. This journey has taught me that kidney health can be restored with dedication.

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Figuring Out How To Faster and Safer Running

Written July 2, 2024

Hello Dear Readers,

This morning, I awoke to a familiar yet nearly forgotten sensation: a dull soreness permeating through the muscles of my legs. It was an immediate reminder of yesterday’s run, where I embarked on an experiment to tweak my running technique—a decision prompted by a period of stagnation in my physical progress and an interest in refining my approach to running.

For quite some time, my focus on running had been primarily on how many miles I could cover, with less consideration given to how I achieved those miles. I was more desperate to get my legs back then. I know I can run, and yesterday marked a pivotal shift in my mindset and approach. I made a conscious effort to modify my running form, aiming for a method that could enhance my effectiveness and speed on the track.

The specific change I implemented involved a more deliberate motion of pushing my hips forward before my knees, allowing my foot to land behind me when extending my knee. This technique aims to optimize stride efficiency and, ultimately, increase my overall speed. While slightly awkward at first, I hope it promises to become more fluid with practice. 

My wife, who has been a source of advice due to her own experiences with running, once told me that proper running form is crucial for improving speed and avoiding injuries. She learned the importance of good form the hard way, having to undergo extensive retraining after years of running with poor techniques during her youth. Her struggles and subsequent improvements have constantly reminded me that investing in proper form is worthwhile.

Reflecting on my previous runs, I realized that while I had successfully increased my endurance and mileage, I had perhaps overlooked how efficiently I ran. This oversight could explain why improvements in speed and ease had plateaued. With this in mind, I set out to make a change, driven by the idea that enhancing my form could lead to a more effective and fulfilling running practice.

The soreness I feel today differs from the usual fatigue after a long run; it feels like a clear sign of the other muscles engaging due to the new running form. It’s an encouraging indicator that my efforts to change my technique are bearing fruit, working new muscle groups that had previously been underutilized in my running. 

Looking ahead, it will take a few more runs to fully integrate this new form into my natural stride. The initial awkwardness of the motion is a small price to pay for the benefits I expect to gain. I am mentally preparing myself for this adjustment period, reminding myself of the long-term gains over the temporary discomfort.

This development in my running journey excites me. It represents not just a change in how I run but a deeper understanding of the mechanics of running and how they influence overall performance. I am eager to see how these changes will impact my speed, endurance, and, perhaps most importantly, my enjoyment of running. Each step forward with this new form is a step toward a more efficient, faster, and healthier running future.

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Coping with Unexpected Kidney Function Changes

Written June 25, 2024

Hello Dear Readers,

Yesterday went well overall, but I received some concerning news from my nephrologist. Either the labs were taken on an off day for me, or my already compromised kidney function has significantly declined. My log showed no anomalies, so my doctor thinks it was a bad day, possibly due to dehydration. I’m hoping that the previous tests were conducted on such a day. More blood and urine samples were taken to retest, and I should have an update in a few days.

Receiving news like this can be really disheartening. I keep wondering what could have caused the sudden drop in my kidney function. I’ve been doing my best to follow all the recommendations from my doctor. It might be that a recent change in my medication is having an unexpected adverse effect, so reverting to my previous regimen could be necessary.

Regardless, aside from ensuring I continue to do what I know I should be doing, there is little else I can control. My wife always reminds me not to worry about things beyond my control.

There are two things I can improve. I can improve my hydration by not eating more than one Ganoral bar daily. Sometimes, due to the heat, I feel more dehydrated than usual. My doctor mentioned that the Ganora bars I’m taking are protein-based, so he’s not overly concerned, even though I sometimes eat a few of them per day. I just can’t allow myself any excuses for not drinking enough water or over-indulging in snacks.

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A Day at the Nephrologist’s Office With My Wife

Written 6/24/2024

Hello Dear Readers,

Today, I found myself at the nephrologist’s office instead of my usual Tuesday or Thursday appointment due to a schedule change initiated by the doctor’s office. 

Luckily, my wife was able to take a day off to join me today, turning the appointment into a little excursion. She’s been eager to meet my nephrologist, and we’ve also planned a treat for ourselves—a visit to the new cupcake store that just opened near us.

The appointment was set for right after lunchtime. My wife was all over the house, ticking off her to-dos before we headed out. The appointment only changes my daily schedule a little. Changing the appointment day meant I’d skip my usual run. Given today’s scorching heat, missing it seemed alright, rather desirable. I’d still fit in with my other exercises, keeping up with my usual activity level.

At the doctor’s office, I introduced my wife to my nephrologist, who welcomed us warmly. This was her first time meeting him. The usual health check followed, with him logging my blood pressure and heart rate from my smartphone, which I monitor constantly with my smartwatch. He also took note of my body weight and composition from my smart scale. He was looking for any sign of unusual changes. Ever since I had a brain stroke, I have had a smartwatch and intelligent scale to monitor those. It makes it much easier to detect any unusual signs. 

Unfortunately, my creatine and potassium levels were high, prompting the need for additional tests. My doctor thought it was similar to last summer when dehydration skewed my results since my logs did not seem unusual or bad at all. Despite my efforts to stay hydrated, I can quickly lose a few pounds of water by lawn mowing, resulting in summer yard work sometimes getting the better of me.

Post-appointment, we headed to that much-anticipated cupcake store. The cupcakes were not only a feast for the eyes but also delicious. I’m saving mine to enjoy after dinner, a sweet end to a day of health checks and treats.

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Let’s Make Our Homemade Meal Kits

Written 6/23/2024

Hello Dear Readers,

We initially subscribed to Hello Fresh Meal Preparation Kits, which cater to individuals with busy lifestyles seeking variety in their meals. My wife encouraged me to broaden my culinary skills beyond my limited set of recipes, which I tended to repeat. My wife thought I was ready to take on more recipes. This is one type of rehabilitation we implemented for my brain recovery. You see, cooking requires a lot of planning and coordinating.

My wife thought learning about portion control was the most valuable takeaway from using Hello Fresh. Despite our regular exercise routines, we found ourselves overeating. I am quite good at mindful eating, but sometimes, I also overeat. Given my dietary restrictions, I sometimes indulge in foods not typically on my list, like pasta, making portion management even more crucial.

What I appreciated about Hello Fresh was its straightforward recipes. My wife enjoyed tweaking these recipes, ensuring I always had something new to try. I’ve consistently found the recipes manageable and have never encountered any issues preparing them.

Sometimes, we feel the foods are salty. Please don’t take me wrong. Hello Fresh probably uses the recommended sodium in their meal kit. Since we have been on limited sodium intake for so long, we find many foods to be saltier than we were used to. 

Motivated by our experience, my wife aspired to create our own meal kits. We used approximately 6 months of Hello Fresh. My wife was learning from the kits. She said she is ready to create her own. She began by crafting her spice mixes, which were lower in salt or completely herb-based, avoiding excessive sodium. She also made substitutions to accommodate my kidney health or to use up leftovers, thus minimizing food waste. She started tracking any food waste to learn from previous oversights and improve our efficiency.

She took on the role of meal planner, preparing weekly kits each week and leaving a day to experiment with new recipes, hoping to expand our meal variety further.

We organized the meal kits using color-coded reusable plastic bags. My wife prepared all the seasonings on Saturdays, placing them in the bags along with the recipes and necessary ingredients.

Our first week of implementing our homemade meal kit system was a success. I measured out the spices, sauces, and seasoning mixes, all of which my wife had pre-made. The process required minimal effort on my part, and my wife was pleased with the meals produced and eager to continue this routine.

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Fighting with Chronic Fatigue with a Compromised Kidney Condition

Written 6/21/2024

Hello Dear Readers,

Sometimes, despite my best efforts, I feel like I am coming up short. My body bears the brunt of this battle, feeling worn and tender with a mild, persistent ache across my muscles. My ongoing struggle with a kidney condition drains me, leaving me feeling like an empty shell—a zombie, if you will—utterly devoid of energy, craving nothing more than to remain motionless.

Then my thoughts drift back to last night. Even though I was physically spent, sleep eluded me. This isn’t a new ordeal; falling asleep has always been a monumental task for me, requiring intense focus—and ironically, when I’m exhausted, it feels as though I’m too tired even to sleep.

I can’t help but think that my physical condition is tied to these sleep challenges. Yesterday, for instance, I mowed the lawn, a particularly strenuous task. However, I managed to complete it without getting dehydrated, following my doctor’s strict advice to stay hydrated. 

Dehydration stresses my kidneys, forcing them to work overtime, so I conscientiously keep up my fluid intake. Sometimes, the heat in Nashville can be overwhelming. This June has been unusually hotter than usual, causing me to sweat excessively. The usual recommended amount of 1.5 liters of water isn’t sufficient anymore. This increase in heat and sweating means I’m likely not drinking enough water, leading to dehydration, which invariably makes it difficult to fall asleep.

Sleep, as we all know, is crucial. It’s become clear that I need to find better strategies to ease myself into rest. Being on numerous medications, I tread carefully around supplements or herbal remedies to avoid any potential interactions. My wife, who used to struggle with sleep herself, has found solace in meditation before bedtime. She was once a night owl, frequently battling to get some rest, but now, meditation helps her drift off quite swiftly.

Living with a kidney condition that leads to chronic fatigue is a constant balancing act. Every day, I have to be mindful of my physical activities, hydration, and sleep preparation. It’s a comprehensive approach, looking after not just my kidney health but my overall well-being. Managing this condition is not just about following doctor’s orders—it’s about adjusting my lifestyle to accommodate my body’s needs.

I’ve learned that self-care is not just a practice but a necessity. It involves listening deeply to my body’s signals and responding patiently and kindly. Whether it’s choosing to rest instead of pushing through another chore or remembering to hydrate diligently, these small decisions significantly impact my quality of life.

As I continue to navigate this journey, I find strength in the small victories—completing daily tasks without compromising my hydration, gradually finding what helps me unwind and rest, and learning from each experience. Living with a chronic condition isn’t just about managing symptoms. It’s about understanding and adapting to your body’s new limits and finding ways to live within them peacefully and productively.

To those who might be on a similar path, know that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed at times. It’s okay to feel like you’re not doing enough, even when you’re doing all you can. The key is exploring, adjusting, and finding what works for you. Patience, persistence, and self-compassion are your best tools on this journey.

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Time For More Canning Fruits

Written 6/22/2024

Hello Dear Readers,

This week started on an exciting note for us. “Blueberries have finally hit the markets!” my wife exclaimed joyfully. She’s been diligently checking local farmers’ websites around Nashville, closely monitoring the season’s offerings. Like many other fruits and vegetables, blueberries depend heavily on the weather for their availability. Typically, we’re sure to find them by July, but the hot summer has prompted an earlier harvest this year. My wife is keen on getting a head start, especially since she’ll be busy canning a variety of other summer produce like chilies and tomatoes later in the season.

Thus, early this morning, we went to Franklin’s bustling farmer’s market. Despite the early hours, the place was alive with activity and the vibrant buzz of eager shoppers. Our mission was clear: secure some of those coveted blueberries. Seeing them lined up in neat rows was enough to light up my wife’s face with excitement. We picked up two baskets, but not just for immediate consumption—she plans to freeze them for gradual use in her jam-making endeavors. She finds the canning process quite therapeutic.

Originally, our plan was to return in July for peaches. However, as luck would have it, we stumbled upon the peach truck on our way out of the market. Without hesitation, we grabbed a small sack. The blueberries will become jelly, and the peaches will be transformed into delicious chutney and jam. According to my wife, it’s crucial to process the peaches first before turning our attention to the blueberries. Thankfully, she’s reserved some berries for me to bake into muffins—a treat I’m particularly looking forward to.

Upon returning home, the kitchen turned into a hive of activity. My wife started by thoroughly washing all the fruits. She then boiled a pot of water, perfect for peeling the peaches efficiently. Most of the berries were destined for the freezer, set aside for future jam sessions. Canning is time-consuming, so she prefers to reserve it for weekends when there’s ample time to indulge in the process.

Today also brought a slight deviation from my usual routine. After the morning’s detour to the market and some lingering muscle soreness, I decided to skip my typical exercises. However, I couldn’t let the day go by without some form of physical activity, so I settled for a planking session and a 5k run. It’s important to stay flexible in daily plans and physical exercise!

Our early summer market trips are more than just about stocking up on produce—they’re about making the most of what the season has to offer, engaging in the joyful task of preserving flavors and creating lasting memories. These simple pleasures enrich our lives, bringing bursts of joy and a sense of accomplishment.

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Crafting My Persona by Choosing and Adapting Traits for Personal Growth

Written 6/19/2024

Hello Dear Readers,

I’ve grown increasingly adept at molding myself closer to the ideal version of who I envision myself to be. While I’m not going as far as Wayne from Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn series—whose complete transformation into different personas is on another level—I do take inspiration from certain traits of characters I admire and integrate them into my own personality.

The process starts with identifying a persona that resonates with me, someone whose qualities spark a sense of aspiration within. From there, I customize and adapt these traits to fit my own personal goals and the context of my life. This approach allows me to consciously evolve aspects of my character in a more directed and meaningful way.

Characters from books and movies often inspire me, especially those who are quick-witted, clever, and delightfully mischievous. While these traits are engaging and can be fun to emulate, there’s a fine line between being charmingly cheeky and coming off as tiresome or inappropriate. For instance, Wayne from the Mistborn series is a character I particularly enjoy. 

I admire his mischievousness and wit. Still, his quirky habit of trading items like a half-eaten hot dog for something of someone else’s doesn’t translate well into real-life interactions. Copying him 100 % would not endear me to others. I doubt my wife would appreciate it if there was a half-eaten hotdog for a thing I took from her. Therefore, I pick and choose aspects of his demeanor that can be adapted to suit my personality without overstepping social norms.

These days, my quest for a clear role model has become more pronounced. Finding a single person or character who embodies all the qualities I admire would simplify the process of self-improvement. It would provide a clear template to emulate, a solid example of how those traits could be integrated into a well-rounded and respected individual. Until then, I have been somewhat like an artist, selecting different elements from various sources and attempting to create a coherent and attractive whole.

The challenge is to do so without ending up like a patchwork or a clumsily glued pot. It’s about integrating these traits in a way that they form a seamless part of who I am, enhancing my personality rather than overshadowing or contradicting the core of my being.

Hopefully, as I continue on this path, I will discover or develop a role model who perfectly aligns with the vision I have for myself—a person whose traits and demeanor I can strive towards holistically rather than in fragments. This search for a perfect model is not just about imitation but about finding a version of myself that feels authentic and fully realized.

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Mastering Shower Routines After a Stroke to regain Independence

Written 6/17/2024

Hello Dear Readers,

One of the abilities I lost after my stroke was taking a shower by myself. It is ironic, but taking a shower is one of the private activities I enjoy a lot. For the first several months, I had my wife help me take a shower. I always wanted to regain the ability to shower, so I determined to train myself.

It took longer than I would have liked. When you get severe brain trauma, you will forget how to move your limbs. You suddenly feel like you are in a body that I have no control over. I had to be patient about it; it would be dangerous if I started to take my shower without being in control of my ability to move. Slowly, I started to regain mobility.

When I tried to take a shower, I noticed that some of my overcalculated versions of impulsive tendencies due to stroke started to creep into many of my behaviors. In other words, some of these behaviors suddenly overwrite my activities. I need to remember to do some clearing. I quickly realized that I have to be systematic with my activities to control my impulsive tendencies. 

How can I overcome this challenge? I decided to use exactly the same method to control my other impulsive tendencies. I used a method very similar to how I trained myself to remember to do many things. I do a series of rituals in the shower. I must remember normal things are not normal for me.

When I realized and contemplated what I thought was normal, I gained the habit of anticipating what would happen throughout the day and deciding how I wished to respond. Believe me, when you don’t have your body’s normal movement, there are many anticipated events. I think about it a lot while I am showering. 

Some people may say it is a mental simulation. My wife will say disaster or risk management, and I say that is my normal life. In some ways, my reaction was still impulsive when an anticipated event occurred, but it was at least one more in line with how I had previously decided was preferable. There were also times when my planned response was different from what I should have wished to do. Yet, I find myself with the planned response taking the place of the impulsive reaction.