The Great Coffee vs. Kidney Hydration Dilemma

Written 04/19/2025

reviewed 5/4

Hello Dear Readers,

When your kidneys start acting up, hydration isn’t just a good idea—it’s practically a medical mandate. My nephrologist (a.k.a. the Kidney Boss) has drilled this into me with the persistence of a motivational coach. “Drink more water!” he says. “Again!” he says. And I do try—I really do.

Enter: the water bottle that changed my life. My wife, ever the health-savvy hero, got me one of those time-marked bottles that tells you where you should be by 10 a.m., noon, and beyond. It’s like having a gentle but judgmental friend watching your hydration habits. And honestly? It works. I find myself drinking more water than I ever did before. The bottle nags, so I don’t have to.

Last summer was a bit of a cautionary tale. I wasn’t drinking enough, and my lab reports tattled on me. My numbers were off, and after my doctor played detective with my biometric logs, he traced the problem straight to—you guessed it—dehydration. As soon as I upped my water game, the lab results improved. Hydration: 1, Kidney Drama: 0.

Now that the summer sun is peeking out again, I’m back on hydration high alert. But here’s the kicker—my stomach has limited seating. It’s either Team Water or Team Coffee. There is no both. One in, one out.

I adore my morning coffee. That rich, warm energy boost is my AM ritual. But ever since I became a full-time water drinker, coffee’s been benched. There’s only so much liquid real estate in my stomach, and water now gets priority seating. Tragic, really.

On most days, I can live with this sacrifice. But Sunday? Sunday is sacred. That’s our coffee day. When autumn and winter roll around, my wife and I head to Starbucks like it’s a pilgrimage. We sip the seasonal brews with the reverence of monks. We even own a classic espresso maker—the kind that sits on the stovetop and hisses like it means business. My wife brews it on weekends when work doesn’t steal her away.

Still, if I have to choose between a functioning pair of kidneys and my beloved espresso shot…well, the kidneys win. Begrudgingly. The silver lining? My wife now has an extra share of coffee. And judging by how much she loves the stuff, I think she’s secretly thrilled.

My Water Bottle is Now My Boss

Written March 8, 2025

Hello Dear Readers,

Yesterday, I embarked on a noble quest—one that involves discipline, perseverance, and a very bossy water bottle. My wife, in her infinite wisdom (and slight exasperation with my forgetfulness), got us matching bottles with a hydration schedule printed on the side. Every hour, there’s a new line taunting me, reminding me to drink up before I inevitably fail my kidneys again. The concept is brilliant: sip gradually instead of realizing at 3 p.m. that I haven’t had a drop of water all day and then chugging a ridiculous amount like I’m a lost traveler in the desert.

As someone with chronic kidney disease, hydration isn’t just a good idea—it’s non-negotiable. But here’s the problem: I forget. A lot. When I do remember, I go into panic mode and overcompensate, leading to an uncomfortable, sloshy-stomach situation that’s about as pleasant as wearing wet socks. This bottle might just save me from myself.

Of course, the real test will be summer. When the sun’s out, I’m outside more, blissfully unaware that my body is slowly turning into a raisin. Dehydration and I have a long history, and my lab results have suffered for it. My doctor gently (read: sternly) reminds me that my kidneys don’t appreciate my forgetfulness. So, this summer, I plan to stick to the hydration schedule like my health depends on it—because, well, it does.

This whole thing got me thinking: where was this hydration discipline when I was younger? I never had the instinct to reach for water like my wife does. Not that I was drowning in soda or anything, but I definitely consumed more sugary drinks than necessary. Meanwhile, my wife has always been ahead of the health game. She avoids sugar like it’s plotting against her (which, in fairness, it kind of is—diabetes runs in her family). No soda, no alcohol, and a highly disciplined approach to carbs. She loves pasta and rice, but you’d never know it from how sparingly she eats them. Instead, she fills her plate with sweet potatoes, carrots, and the occasional apple in her salad. Apparently, those count as her sweet treats.

For me, adopting a healthier lifestyle isn’t so much a choice as it is a medical necessity. But I have to admit, having a wife who’s already on board with the whole “let’s not wreck our bodies” philosophy makes things a lot easier. She’s seen firsthand what happens when health is neglected, so she naturally supports my restrictions without making it a big deal. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: marrying her was my best decision.

This hydration experiment means I’ll be consuming a solid two liters of water daily. Right now, I’m still adjusting to this new reality where my bottle dictates my drinking habits. But with summer just around the corner, I have a feeling this little routine will become second nature. My kidneys, my doctor, and my wife will all be pleased. And hey, maybe I’ll finally stop feeling like a dried-up sponge by midday. One can dream.