Tag: Overcoming Challenges

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Controlling The Turbulent Waters of Impulsivity After a Stroke

Written 6/16/2024

Hello Dear Readers,

From a young age, I’ve battled with an impulsive streak. Ideas would hardly settle in my mind before I found myself acting on them. This trait often landed me in hot water, especially during my school days. I recall sitting in class, deeming the lecture both dull and incorrect, and voicing my disagreement without a moment’s hesitation. Over time, I learned to curb these impulses, training myself to pause and make conscious choices before reacting. Although perfection eluded me, I gradually gained a semblance of control over my actions, a victory in its own right.

However, this hard-earned self-control was one of the casualties of my stroke. Suddenly, I found myself grappling anew with my old impulsivity, which made itself known in ways both frustrating and perilous, particularly during my initial stay at a care center. A typical example was my frequent, middle-of-the-night awakenings with an urgent need for bathroom use. Under normal circumstances, this would be a straightforward, albeit annoying, situation. However, in my post-stroke weakened state, these moments became fraught with danger.

I vividly remember one such instance when, on the immediate impulse to get out of bed, I sprawled on the floor. The loud buzzing of an alarm followed, signaling a nurse to my unintended distress call. After triggering the bed’s alarm system, I faced a stern reprimand. I was instructed to press a call button and wait for assistance instead of attempting to rise. Despite this clear directive, the impulse to get up before remembering to press the button happened repeatedly, each incident a stark reminder of my diminished control.

As the frequency of these accidents increased, my wife and mother alternated nights by my side, vigilantly ensuring that I didn’t fall out of bed. This period of intense vulnerability was humbling and highlighted the extent to which my stroke had stripped away the coping mechanisms I had painstakingly developed over the years. Alongside the resurgence of impulsivity, I discovered a heightened distractibility that made concentration a formidable challenge.

Reflecting on these experiences, I recognize that the journey of recovery and adaptation is as much about relearning and restructuring old strategies as it is about physical rehabilitation. The process is slow and often discouraging, but it is also filled with moments of profound learning and personal insight. Regaining control over my impulsivity hasn’t just been about preventing physical falls; it’s been crucial in reestablishing a sense of agency and self-assurance shaken by my stroke.

In sharing my story, I hope to offer solace and understanding to those navigating similar challenges. Whether it’s due to a stroke or another life-altering event, the path to reclaiming bits of oneself can be arduous and steep. Yet, with perseverance and support, gradual progress is possible. It’s a testament to the human spirit’s resilience and adaptability to unforeseen changes.

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Overcoming Post-Time Change Fatigue: A Personal Experience

Written on 3/13/2024

Hello Dear Readers,

With the daylight saving time change recently behind us, I assumed that a good night’s sleep would help me recover all the energy I had lost. However, I’ve found it challenging to keep up with my morning exercise routine. Today, I still have a few exercises left unfinished, and coming down the stairs after my pull-ups was particularly tough. It felt as though I was dragging my own dead weight every step of the way.

My body is likely trying to tell me something—maybe I haven’t fully recovered from my previous workouts. I know the importance of being mindful of my body’s signals, though part of me hesitates to acknowledge it. I’m driven by my goals, yet I’m aware that pushing myself too hard could lead to unnecessary injuries.

Despite my concerns, something shifted when I started doing my pull-ups. Initially daunting, the exercise became surprisingly manageable as I progressed, and soon, my dread dissipated. By the end of my set, I didn’t feel like I was lugging around dead weight anymore. Instead, I felt lighter and more energetic, possibly thanks to an endorphin rush that helped negate my fatigue.

Reflecting on this, I realize that my tiredness might have been a lingering effect from yesterday’s lawn mowing. Sometimes, it takes a bit of pushing to truly understand whether I’m up for a workout. Of course, it’s crucial to avoid overexerting myself. I’m proud that I didn’t give in to my initial reluctance to exercise. It would have been easy to skip the session under the guise of preventing injury, but overcoming that mental barrier has left me feeling more accomplished.

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Rediscovering My Running Routine After the Thaw

I find myself infused with a modest surge of excitement today as the thaw has finally made the roads passable for running. The grip of winter has loosened slightly, allowing me to entertain the thought of hitting the pavement once more after a hiatus of just over a week. Unlike the often snowy expanses of the northern United States, where the white blanket is a familiar scene, Nashville presents a unique challenge with its icy conditions. The slippery roads here make the prospect of running not just daunting but potentially perilous. Given these conditions, I made the cautious choice to forego my outdoor runs.

The interruption in my running routine stirred a flicker of concern within me—a worry that this break might slow or set me back. However, I quickly silenced these pessimistic thoughts, reassuring myself of the resilience and adaptability of my body and spirit. The brief pause, I reminded myself, would not be a significant hindrance. Indeed, I should focus on the positive, anticipating the joy and fulfillment of resuming my runs. The prospect of getting back on track, feeling the rhythm of my feet against the ground, is a source of genuine happiness.

During these inactive days, I’ve noticed a tangible shift in my nightly routine—sleep has been more elusive, a direct consequence of my body’s lack of physical exhaustion. And now, as if to test my resolve, the forecast promises a morning of rain. Running under a downpour is far from ideal, often feeling more like a chore than a pleasure. Yet, I consider it, hopeful for a brief respite in the weather that might allow for a dry run. Fortunately, the forecast does not predict thunderstorms, which means that while the run may be soggy, it won’t be hazardous. With this knowledge, I steel myself for the challenge, determined to push through the discomfort.

Reflecting on this period of enforced rest, I realized that running has become an integral part of my life. It’s not merely a physical activity but a mental and emotional lifeline, a ritual that sustains me. The snow, with all its silence and stillness, has inadvertently illuminated the profound significance of this habit in my life. It’s a reminder of the resilience required in the face of winter’s chill and all aspects of life’s unpredictable journey.

This experience, this temporary pause, has only deepened my appreciation for the ability to run, move, and feel the earth beneath my feet. It’s a testament to the enduring human spirit, to our capacity to face obstacles, whether icy roads or internal doubts, and to emerge stronger, more committed, and more grateful for the simple, profound joy of running.