Tag: Personal Growth

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From Cold Mornings to Warm Reflections: Navigating Life After a Brain Stroke

Written November 16, 2024

Hello Dear Readers,

It was one of the days that I felt like I just wanted to stay in bed. Ever since I got my brain stroke, I cannot stand cold at all. Before I had my brain stroke, I had a much higher heartbeat and blood pressure, and I always felt hot. We used to live in Canada; my wife complained because I would open our bedroom window while sleeping. Ever since I can remember, my wife has kept her temperature around 65F or 18C during the winter. So our house would always be cool in the winter. I was hot all the time. Now, I feel cold.

I had difficulty forcing myself from bed this morning. I initially woke 45 minutes before my alarm. During the summer months, I would start my run early. But it’s so chilly. I hesitated. I crawled back to bed after using the restroom and fell back asleep. When my alarm sounded, I turned it off and snuggled back under the warm covers, staying awake but in bed and warm for a half hour. Despite the early morning, my wife was already out of bed a few hours before me. She wakes up much earlier every day.

Eventually, I forced myself to throw back the blankets and start my day. When I woke up, my wife was already done running, studying Geman, and writing something in the notebook in the dining room. She has more things to do in her morning routine, as she will create the menu for the upcoming week and create a grocery list. Somehow, we bought four limes that became bad after ten days, which she was upset about. She does not like wasting food ingredients since we should be able to control that with proper planning. Also, she thinks it is sinful to waste food. I know she lists why we wasted the food on the lists.  Then, she would write about how to avoid such an event again. The year is almost over, but we don’t have one page of wasted food. 

Observing my wife also made me question whether I had wasted time today. I’ve been delaying my run in my office, allowing it to warm up further, but I think I’ve wasted enough time now and will start my run shortly. I still need to do weekly house vacuuming chores and clean leaves outside. 

Later, I talked to my wife about this morning, and she said she would put on the space heater before she goes running going forward. She also understands that my body condition is different. I hope it will work better. 

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Celebrating Milestones With a Pumpkin Spice Latte

Written October 18, 2024

Hello Dear Readers,

I decided to skip my run today since we planned to celebrate the milestone of her citizenship journey by indulging in a trip to Starbucks for coffee. My wife had her citizenship test/interview early this morning. Shortly after finishing my winter exercises, she called me to say she was on her way home. 

Her test was at 7:35 a.m., so she left the house at 6:40 a.m., leaving her an extra 20 minutes. When she goes to the office, she usually leaves the house around the same time, so the time itself does not bother her. She was worried that she would get lost or have an accident on the way. 

She has been preparing for the exam since April, but she gets distracted by something she finds curious. For example, she learned about the list of cabinets for the United States. She can’t stop there. She would dig through what each department does. She says time is her most considerable enemy because she forgets about time. Honestly, the way she studies or does anything, no time is enough. She got into so many troubles when she was much younger. She had to compromise with the environmental forces to prevent what she wanted, such as time. So whatever she does is planned for a long time. Some of her goals could be traced over a decade. 

I could not believe it when she told me she had never tried the famous seasonal treat, pumpkin spice latte. She had just found out about it and was eager to experience it. Knowing she would be back in roughly 30 minutes, I did not have time to finish a run before she returned. I wanted to be ready to leave for our coffee whenever she wanted.  Since it was freezing this morning, I was not too upset about skipping my run; I’ll have to commit to the full 10k to compensate for today’s laziness.

My wife had a pumpkin spice latte. Since I haven’t had a pumpkin spice latte before this year, I tried the Pecan Crunch Latte. I prefer a pumpkin spice latte. My wife loved her pumpkin spice latte. She was wondering how the coffee tasted of pumpkin. 

We are planning to donate the materials used for the citizenship process. My wife was worried that she had written something in them, but I told her that some people could benefit. 

I am happy that she has reached another milestone, as I know she has wanted U.S. citizenship for a long time.

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Dealing with Unexpected Setbacks To Better

Some days are full of disappointments. Today is one of those days. Last night, I banged my toe on a door. I thought the pain would go away, but it got even more painful. It was just one toe on my left foot, but I struggled to walk. I could not run this morning because of the toe injury.

Even more disappointing. I lost my 648-day streak on my language learning app, not because I missed a day. Yesterday, my language app was acting strangely and initially wouldn’t load the day’s lesson.  It eventually loaded, and I completed it, but apparently, it didn’t record that. I know it is just a streak on the app. In reality, I actually did not even miss a day. It is still disturbing. 

Meanwhile, this situation is getting worse than I thought. I mean, I just hit it on a door! All I was doing was putting away some freshly laundered towels, minding my own business, and next thing I knew, my foot was too close to the closet door when I opened it—bam, right into my toe. With the pain, I had great difficulty walking, but I am trying to walk with as normal a gait as possible to avoid additional injury. An additional injury is the last thing I want at this point. Who expected a little banging to create so much trouble? My wife was worried about my toe. Although, I don’t think the injury is so severe that I will need any professional attention now. 

On a day like this, I try to remember the moral points I learned from books. Have you ever read the book, “A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”? Well, the story is like the problem the protagonist faces. Arthur was freaking out about his house being bulldozed, and meanwhile, there was a plan to eradicate Earth. The book is comical, but it teaches something. Maybe the problem you think is so bad may not be that bad. In other words, avoid getting so caught up in the little problems. Thinking like this makes me feel calmed down. 

Hopefully, I’m feeling well enough not to feel forced to skip additional runs. I don’t want to miss any more runs because of a tiny injury on my toe, and I miss it. Well, time will tell.

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 Braving the Storm: How I Turned a Rainy Day Run into a Win

Written September 27, 2024

Hello Dear Readers,

As I woke up, I heard the sound of rain hitting our roof. This morning began with frustration as heavy rain blanketed the area. While I don’t usually mind running in the rain, starting a run when it’s already pouring is always tough. I checked my phone, hoping for a break in the weather, but the forecast showed steady rain all day. 

My first thought was to postpone my run until tomorrow. Then, I stopped my thought. The rain is expected to continue, which isn’t exactly what I think is ideal. I don’t enjoy running in the rain, but I also didn’t want to miss out on the several days of running. Despite the hard rain earlier, the rain did not seem as heavy as it had sounded earlier. So, I weighed my options. If I didn’t run today, I wouldn’t have another chance for days. With that in mind, I decided to brave the rain.

I grabbed my windbreaker to shield myself from the initial downpour, knowing it wouldn’t keep me dry for long. The rain was part of a hurricane moving through Georgia. While hurricane rain in summer feels dense and muggy, autumn rain brings a chilly bite, even if that was caused by the hurricane. My wife, who usually avoids running in the rain, mentioned that the rain was more of a mist when she went out earlier. She also felt the pressure to run today, knowing the weather would only worsen in the coming days.

Stepping outside, I was met with cold, wet air. My shoes, still damp from yesterday’s run, made every step squishy. After covering about a kilometer, I realized that running the full 5k in these conditions would be uncomfortable. I gave myself an incentive: if I could beat my target pace and hold it for at least half a kilometer, I would allow myself to stop early. This kilometer of extra push somehow worked, and I managed to hit my goal, cutting the run short at 3 kilometers from the distance I originally planned. 

I headed back home soaking wet. While I was running, I felt the water pushing out of my shoes. The rain had washed sweat and remnants of my face moisturizer into my eyes while I was running, which were stinging by the time I got home. As soon as I arrived, I jumped into a hot shower.

Unfortunately, it looks like today’s rain will prevent me from finishing the sanding project I had planned. Hopefully, there will be enough dry weather tomorrow to finish it; otherwise, it’ll have to wait until the skies clear.

In the end, I got my run in, even though it was only 3 kilometers, and that’s what matters most to me. I still consider it a success.

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This Is How I Overcame With My Sleep Problems

l struggle. I’ve never figured out the direct cause of my problem. It could be anything: the weather, the temperature, my husband’s health, or even work stress. After several nights of poor sleep, I finally reached my breaking point and decided to tackle the issue head-on.

I am constantly worried about something. I limit my worries to things I can have some control over, but I worry about many things to the point that my husband is amazed by them. I generally research everything so that I can identify obstacles or challenges ahead of time before I schedule the tasks. It is my personality that makes me worry about many things. Some may find I am well-planned, but it can be stressful regardless.

This ongoing anxiety seems to have thrown off my internal clock. I started falling asleep about 45 minutes later than usual, which cut down my total sleep time. Before all this began, I had no trouble clocking over seven hours of sleep each night, excluding the brief periods my Fitbit marked as awake time. Around 40-45% of that sleep used to be deep or REM sleep. But Deep and REM sleep have been harder since the trouble started. My sleep quantity shrank to six hours a night, and though I’d spend eight hours in bed, two of those would be restless wakefulness.

Only recently did I realize how much I took sleep for granted. I could not even recall the last time I had a sleeping problem like that. I usually fall asleep quickly. Lately, though, I find myself lying awake, turning over the day’s worries in my mind one hour past my sleep time. I meditated on the day like that, hoping to drift off, but it wasn’t enough. My wake-up time crept later by about 15 minutes, though that didn’t help much, especially with the mornings getting darker. I still stick to my running routine despite my lack of sleep. I thought that I would not be able to sleep if I stopped exercising. Running would give me energy, but I feel more fatigued these days. Of course, I could still blame my hormone imbalance, given my age, but I wasn’t ready to let it slide that easily. This problem must be stopped. So, I focused on my lifestyle and started looking for answers.

Sleeping Issues

After one week of sleeping problems, I decided to observe what symptoms I started to have. I will never intentionally deprive myself of sleep in the future. Fortunately, I keep various biometrics such as weight, drinking, heart rate, and so on. This would be a perfect opportunity to observe firsthand what happens when sleep falls short. I want to talk about the effects I personally noticed during this period.

Weight Problem

One thing I noticed almost immediately, thanks to my food journal and regular weigh-ins, was the impact on my weight. I’ve been working on shedding a few pounds through exercise and maintaining a slight calorie deficit. However, no matter how much I exercised, the weight just didn’t come off as quickly as I hoped. In August, I lost less than a pound. WebMD explains that sleep deprivation triggers a spike in cortisol, which leads the body to conserve energy (Paturel, 2022). In addition, when you don’t sleep enough, your insulin sensitivity drops by as much as 30%. This means the body struggles to process fats from the bloodstream, and unprocessed fats end up being stored (para. 10-13). It’s a frustrating cycle.

Productivity

Despite struggling with sleep, I kept up with my running routine. But instead of feeling energized like usual, I felt drained. On a typical day, a morning run would boost my energy for the day. My heart rate would pump from a morning run, and my body would be filled with abandoned energy. 

It was a little different during this time. I was a walking Zombie. The more I ran, the more fatigued I felt. Some days, it was like the feeling you get when you’re abruptly woken up from the middle of your deep sleep, leaving you groggy and disoriented. One day, I felt so sick that I tried slowing down on days I wasn’t feeling well, but ironically, my energy dropped even more. 

With my naturally low heart rate and blood pressure, exercise usually helps me wake up. Still, without enough sleep, it wasn’t doing the trick. It’s no surprise that studies on military personnel have shown sleep deprivation can reduce cognitive function by up to 70% (Scharre and Fish, 2018, p. 7). The struggle was real.

Running Pace

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From the log from my running app, my running pace also took a hit, dropping by 10-15 seconds per kilometer. Some might chalk that up to the August weather, but I usually run early in the morning when the temperature is fairly mild. Even in Nashville’s August heat, it’s about 68-73F degrees at 5:30 a.m., so that shouldn’t have impacted my pace. As September crept in and the sun rose later, I found myself forcing my body awake, feeling groggy and sluggish, almost like I was under a sleep spell. Still, I pushed through, determined not to lose my running time, even if I had to rely purely on willpower to get myself moving.

Focus Level

There’s no doubt that sleep plays a massive role in maintaining our focus. No matter how much I tried to learn during this time, my brain was on strike. Even focusing on stories in books became a challenge. I kept a journal of my planned tasks for the day, noting which ones I completed. On average, I could only get through all my tasks listed two or three days out of the week. The only silver lining was that I didn’t depend solely on motivation to meet my goals. Despite feeling like a zombie, I pushed through, albeit at a much slower pace.

Strategies

By the third week, I’d had enough of my sleep struggles and decided it was time to take action. The sleep problems started impacting me with my work. I began by analyzing the problem itself, listing out everything that could be affecting my sleep, and considering whether any adjustments were needed. Being naturally stoic, I already have a few healthy habits in place. I exercise consistently, keep track of my calorie intake, and meditate daily. So, what could I tweak? The biggest changes I saw potential in were getting more sunlight, eating more vegetables, and cutting out blue light before bedtime.

Here’s the breakdown of what I evaluated:

  • Not enough sunlight in the morning → I made it a point to step outside and soak in some early sunlight each day.
  • Nutrition → I decided to up my vegetable intake and add more variety to my meals.
  • Exercise → No changes here. I’m already on top of it.
  • Meditation → No change needed. This habit is firmly in place.
  • Stress Level → Again, no significant changes. I already have stress management techniques I rely on.
  • Blue Light → I made a conscious effort to stop using my computer 90 minutes before bedtime and avoid my smartphone while in the bedroom.
  • Temperature → No adjustments. It wasn’t a factor for me.

In short, I took a hard look at my routine and focused on the areas where I could introduce improvements while keeping the elements that were already working for me.

What Happened After Making My Changes

The first change I made was getting sunlight. One afternoon, I spent over two hours working on our deck under the sun—don’t worry, I used sun protection. The result? I felt incredibly sleepy, but unfortunately, it hit me at the wrong time. I almost gave in to taking a nap, but I knew sleeping for over an hour would affect my ability to sleep at night. Instead, I settled for a quick 10-minute nap. I felt the nap itself didn’t make a huge difference, but it was better than nothing. That night, I got a solid seven hours of sleep. Getting more sunlight made me sleepy. It makes sense since exposure to sunlight helps regulate your body’s melatonin production. 

Unfortunately, I didn’t have the luxury of getting a few hours of sunlight every day.

The second change I made was eating one more cup of salad every day. Increasing my vegetable intake also had a positive impact on my sleep quality. I kept my bedtime consistent with what it had been for the past few weeks, but now I’m regularly getting at least seven hours of sleep. When I was looking into the potential solutions for my sleep issues, I found out that eating more plants or nuts could improve sleep quality. I was skeptical at first, but I decided to give it a try. Nothing to lose by doing that, right? I added an extra cup of salad to my daily intake, and surprisingly, it worked! I later found a journal article that confirmed my experience. It noted that people who consume more fruits and vegetables tend to have a lower dietary inflammatory index and experience better sleep than those who consume more sugar or energy-dense foods (Arslan et al., 2024, p. 2). I thought I was eating enough vegetables already, but it turns out I wasn’t.

Lastly, I stopped using devices that emit blue light before bed. I do have blue light-blocking glasses, but my sleep was more important than relying on them. Interestingly, I didn’t notice much difference in my sleep after cutting out blue light exposure. However, that’s likely because my sleep had already improved once I added more vegetables to my diet.

Conclusion

I’ll be honest. I still felt that my problem was serious. After several nights of restless sleep, anyone would feel uneasy, and I was no exception. I’ve noticed some negative impacts from the lack of sleep. So, on the way, I panicked. I tried breathing exercises or meditation on such nights. It didn’t help that I’d already encountered a few possible solutions, which only made me more anxious. Getting caught up in the fear that this might be a permanent issue is so easy. This time, eating more vegetables helped me. To be honest, I don’t know what really worked.

Now that I have reflected on the whole thing, I have turned this situation into a personal quest to solve instead of worrying about it. Once I see the problem as a quest, I can calmly think about the possible solutions instead of panicking. I researched and created a list of things I can do. Slowly, my worry shifted into curiosity instead of remaining a problem. Since the day I got a lot of sun, it made me sleep through the night, and I gained some hope.

I’ve made a lifelong commitment to staying healthy, and I worked at it hard. Initially, I found it fascinating—and a little ironic—that someone like me, who exercises daily and leads a generally healthy lifestyle, could still struggle with sleep issues. Life is full of surprises and learning, isn’t it? Then I realized how arrogant I was to even see myself like that. The truth is, I was far from perfect. This experience reminded me that there’s always room for improvement. It humbled me, showing me how arrogant it was to think I had everything figured out.

In many ways, this was a valuable learning experience. This experience made me reflect and see where adjustments could be made to improve my well-being further. Ultimately, it became an opportunity to refine my lifestyle, and I’m choosing to see it as a success.

References

Arslan, N., Bozkır, E., Koçak, T., Akin, M., & Yilmaz, B. (2024). From Garden to Pillow: Understanding the Relationship between Plant-Based Nutrition and Quality of Sleep. Nutrients, 16(16), Article 16. https://doi.org/10.3390/nu16162683

Paturel, A. (2022, August 14). Does Sleep Affect Weight Loss? WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/diet/sleep-and-weight-loss

Scharre, P., & Fish, L. (2018). Human Performance Enhancement. Center for a New American Security. https://www.jstor.org/stable/resrep20411

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This Is How I Overcame The Aftereffect of Brain Stroke

Written September 18, 2024

Hello Dear Readers,

I saw my running pace has improved significantly in the last couple of days, and I’m thrilled about the results. The temperature has dropped considerably compared to a few weeks ago. The cooler weather has made a noticeable difference to my running as I found it easier to push myself further. I’ve recently achieved my target pace of below 10 minutes per kilometer, and today, I hit a new personal best for my 5k time.

It’s hard to believe how far I’ve come since my brain stroke in 2015. Back then, my brain struggled to send signals to my legs, even though I remembered exactly how to walk or run. It felt like typing on a disconnected keyboard—no matter what I did, there was no response. The doctors explained that my neural pathway for walking or running had completely vanished. I had to relearn everything from scratch, starting with weeks of rehabilitation just to take a few steps.

Those early months were challenging. Learning to walk without a walker or any support took a tremendous amount of effort and time. I faced another hurdle at work, where my brain couldn’t filter out unnecessary information, making it difficult to focus. Then, I truly understood the intricate abilities we take for granted.

Determined not to give up, my wife and I began walking every day, although I had to rest frequently just to cover 1.5 miles. Then, one day, I told her I wanted to learn how to run. She was understandably concerned at first because the running could strain my kidneys. I was serious about it. I started with my old running shoes, but it wasn’t really running—more like fast walking, with a lot of stumbling. After a month of trying, my wife suggested I get a good pair of running shoes. That small change made a huge difference, making each step feel lighter.

To track my progress, she set up an Excel sheet where I could log my runs, and she even got me the Zombie Run app to add some excitement to my routine. It turned my running into an adventure rather than a chore.

It took years for me to see the full extent of my progress. When we moved to Tennessee in 2018, my mother noticed the muscle definition in my calves. When I lost my mobility after my stroke, I had lost so much muscle mass in the months following my stroke that it felt like a victory to have someone point out my runner’s legs. My endurance had also increased, allowing me to tackle more tasks without feeling exhausted. I felt genuinely proud of myself for the first time in a long while.

After achieving my distance goal last year, I decided to focus more on improving my pace. It added extra challenges as I had to monitor my pace during my run. I get tired very quickly because of my kidney, so I have to know when to stop pushing myself. My running suffers during summer due to its heat. Despite a few setbacks along the way, I kept moving forward. My goal is to set a new best at least once a week, and I’ve been getting multiple of my fastest records in rows. Now, I find myself wondering how many personal records I can possibly create.

The journey hasn’t been easy, but every small victory feels monumental. And with each run, I’m reminded of how far I’ve come—from relearning to walk to becoming someone who now sets running records. It’s a journey that’s as much about perseverance as it is about running.

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Celebrating Progress On Hitting My Running Pace

Written Septermber 6, 2024

Hello Dear Readers,

Today brought some good news—my efforts have finally paid off. During my run, I achieved the pace I’ve been aiming for as part of my end-of-year goal. This achievement is a significant milestone for me, and it feels incredible to see my progress. Because of this success, I’ve set a new rule for myself: for each run, I will reduce my pace time by 5 seconds. The challenge I’ve given myself is to beat this reduced pace twice in a row, with no more than two failures in between. Once I accomplish that, I’ll lock in my end-of-year pace goal at the new speed.

One thing I’ve come to realize is how different it feels to focus on pace rather than just distance. Initially, my running goals were all about how far I could go. But now, I’ve become more conscious of the nuances involved in pacing myself, and it’s an entirely different experience. Running pace can fluctuate based on many factors I hadn’t considered before. For example, external temperature can give me a boost or slow me down considerably. Cooler days tend to energize me, while hotter days can make running feel like an uphill battle. Similarly, wind and weather conditions greatly influence how well I perform. A strong headwind can be exhausting, while a nice tailwind makes me feel like flying.

My physical condition is another critical factor. One day, I might feel full of energy and ready to tackle my run, while the next day, my body might feel heavy, making it harder to keep a steady pace. These variables make running a more dynamic challenge than I initially anticipated, and it has taught me to be flexible with my expectations.

In addition to pacing, I’ve also learned the importance of taking care of my body during this journey. Overexertion is a real risk, especially when the weather is extreme. Running too long in the blazing summer heat can be dangerous, mainly if I run low on water. I must constantly monitor hydration, as it can make or break a good run. Additionally, I’ve realized that I need to prioritize rest when my muscles are sore or not recovering properly. Pushing through without adequate recovery could lead to injuries or setbacks, which I want to avoid.

I also have specific dietary restrictions that make recovery more challenging. Since I have limits on my protein intake, I have to be careful not to lose muscle through overexertion. Muscle loss is a real concern for me, so I’m mindful of balancing my exercise with the nutrients my body needs to repair and grow. Monitoring my calorie intake is another part of the process. I need to fuel my body for these runs without going overboard. Through it all, I remind myself I’m running to improve and strengthen my body—not harm it. This is a promise I made to myself when I first started running, and it’s something I hold onto as I continue to progress.

My running journey began after I lost mobility due to a brain stroke. It was a tough time, but after several months of rehabilitation, I was able to walk again. Eventually, I worked my way up to running, a huge victory. Now, I’m running and pushing myself to get faster. While it’s still a struggle to improve my speed, I’m determined to keep going, step by step.

Today, I want to celebrate my success. It’s easy to get caught up in the next goal, the next challenge, but it’s essential to take a moment to appreciate how far I’ve come. I’m thrilled with how today’s run went, and it serves as a reminder that progress is possible, no matter how difficult the journey may seem.

I look forward to what comes next and am excited to see where this running journey takes me.

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Discovering the World of Banned Books

~ What I Learned from Reading 10 Banned Books

For the past four months, I have been exploring various banned books as a new project for this year. I discovered these titles in a book I purchased during my last trip to Key West. Although I was aware that some books carry mature ratings, I was surprised to learn that certain books are banned in the United States. Given how much I read, my husband found it odd that I didn’t know about this.

Since my 20s, I have been curious about the types of books North Americans read, so I explored many titles from bestseller lists. Until now, it has not even clicked once that some books have faced bans, so I have never specifically looked into them. My curiosity was piqued when I wondered what could lead to a book being banned in the United States. This reading project began primarily as a way to satisfy that curiosity.

The books are usually banned due to the following reasons: Sexually explicit, violent, unsuited to age groups, LGBTQIA content, profanity, political viewpoint, and so on. For example, The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood was banned due to profanity and “vulgarity and sexual overtures.” (The American Library Association, 2022),

To clarify, “banned books” in the United States doesn’t mean they’re entirely inaccessible. They are still available in physical and online bookstores; you can own and read them. However, you might not find them in specific public spaces like schools or libraries. 

So far, I’ve analyzed and blogged about ten banned books, and each one has been a fascinating learning experience. In this blog, I want to reflect on what I’ve gained from reading and analyzing these controversial works.

Navigating the World of Literary Analysis

One of the biggest challenges I encountered during this project was realizing that, despite the number of books I’ve read, I lacked experience in literary criticism. While I’ve written about books and occasionally analyzed them for blog posts, I have no formal training in literary critique. I naively believed my passion for reading would suffice, but I quickly discovered that was not enough. I realized This when I read “The Handmaid’s Tale” by Margaret Atwood. I could sense the quality of the writing but struggled to articulate why I thought the book was excellent.

Books like Homer’s Iliad or Shakespeare’s Hamlet have been celebrated for centuries, but what about modern works like The Handmaid’s Tale? Having a good rating doesn’t automatically make a book legendary. It’s a well-written book, but how do I evaluate its merit beyond its popularity? A legendary book can be published at any time, but understanding its value requires a logical approach to analysis.

To address this gap, I began studying literary analysis, taking extensive notes on each book I read. I even bought a textbook on literary critique. My analysis is still evolving, but my notes have significantly improved since the start of this project. I often feel the urge to revisit my earlier reviews and refine my thoughts.

Even with my basic understanding of literary techniques, reading a book transforms the experience. It’s like visiting the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam and discovering the hidden layers beneath his paintings. I never thought of acquiring this knowledge before. Still, it has enriched my reading experience immensely because I am in constant dialogue with the author, which I thoroughly enjoy even though my reading speed has slowed.

Expanding Awareness of Social Issues

All the books I’ve read in this project have been provocative in some way, challenging me to confront uncomfortable truths. Each one addresses significant social issues, prompting me to conduct contextual research using statistics, newspapers, journals, and websites related to the themes explored in the books.

Coming from a relatively privileged background, I wasn’t fully aware of many of these issues. I knew they existed but never engaged with them deeply. Reading and analyzing these books has forced me to process and reflect on these realities. It’s like Plato’s allegory of the cave—I feel as though I’ve emerged from the darkness to see the light.

Some of these books affected me so profoundly that I struggled with their impact. My husband noticed my distress and worried about how deeply I was affected. To maintain my mental balance, I read lighter books in between. I feel a sense of guilt, knowing that people living these realities can’t escape them as I can with a different book.

The Fluidity of Morality

Before diving deeper into this topic, I want to start with a few questions: What defines an action or thought as moral? Who decides these standards, and how do they evolve over time? I grew up in a culture where social norms and expectations differed vastly from North America’s. When I moved here in my teens, I was struck by the distinct moral landscape. This cultural shift forced me to confront the idea that morality is not universal but somewhat shaped by context and background. I became aware of the danger of hastily labeling actions as moral or immoral based solely on my upbringing and values.

However, I hadn’t fully considered until recently how much time also influences our understanding of morality. It’s easy to overlook this aspect, but language and societal values constantly evolve. Once acceptable words are considered offensive, behaviors once deemed appropriate are now frowned upon. As I delved into historical novels like The Awakening by Kate Chopin and Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck, I saw how much societal expectations have shifted over the decades. These books highlighted the norms of their time, and I grappled with the moral dilemmas presented in them.

This realization of the fluidity of morality led me to reflect on Michel Foucault’s ideas about how morality intertwines each era’s power structures and social constructs. He argued that our sense of right and wrong is not fixed but changes according to the needs and priorities of the ruling powers at the time. This concept is explored in his works, such as Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison and The History of Sexuality. Foucault’s theories have helped me understand why something considered acceptable in one era might be deemed immoral in another.

Through this project of reading banned books, I’ve realized that my previous understanding of morality was limited. I used to think of morals as a static set of guidelines, but now I see them as dynamic and fluid, influenced by time, place, and power. This revelation has been both unsettling and enlightening. It has prompted me to question my own beliefs and to approach each book, not with the intent to judge but with an open mind, seeking to understand the context and complexity behind the moral choices of its characters.

Reflecting on the Journey So Far

Although I’m still in the early stages of this project, the experience has already been transformative. I initially set out to explore banned books out of curiosity, not fully aware of the profound impact they would have on me. Now, just 10% into the project, I realize that this journey is about reading controversial literature and challenging my beliefs and assumptions.

One of the most significant changes has been how I approach literary criticism. I used to believe a genuine passion for reading was enough to evaluate books. Still, I now see the value of a more structured, analytical approach. Understanding the historical and cultural contexts, identifying themes, and examining the use of literary devices have all enriched my reading experience. These tools have enabled me to delve deeper into each book, uncovering layers of meaning I would have otherwise missed.

In addition to gaining a better appreciation for literary analysis, I’ve become more aware of the social issues embedded in these banned books. Each one, in its own way, reflects the struggles and injustices of its time, many of which are still relevant today, forcing me to confront uncomfortable truths and consider perspectives I hadn’t fully acknowledged before. It’s a humbling experience, reminding me of the power of literature to spark meaningful conversations.

Finally, my understanding of morality has evolved. I’ve seen it as a complex, shifting construct influenced by time, culture, and power dynamics. This realization has made me more empathetic and open-minded, both as a reader and as a person.

As I continue this project, I’m excited to see how much more I will learn and grow. I’m approaching each new book with a sense of curiosity and an eagerness to be challenged. This journey is far from over, but I know it’s one of the most rewarding endeavors I’ve ever undertaken.

I’m only beginning this journey, but it has already transformed me. My views on the importance of literary criticism, social awareness, and moral ambiguity have expanded and deepened. As I continue reading, I look forward to discovering more about myself and the world through the lens of these controversial books.

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Revisiting a Childhood Classic: How Daddy-Long-Legs Shaped My Love for Literature

While my husband and I were cleaning the siding of our house, I found a Daddy-long-legs spider. That small moment reminded me of one of my favorite childhood books, Daddy-Long-Legs, by Jean Webster. I loved this book so much that I spent countless hours reading it repeatedly. Revisiting books I cherished in my youth allowed me to see them in a new light as an adult, and I was curious how I would perceive Daddy-Long-Legs this time.

I had so much difficulties creating a picture for this one. Created via NightCafe

Initially published in 1912, Jean Webster’s novel was quite popular when I was growing up, especially among children. This book had an immense impact and introduced me to many other books. When I found the spider, I took it as a sign to revisit this book.

Plot Summary:

Jerusha “Judy” Abbott is a 17-year-old orphan who has spent her entire life in the John Grier Home, an orphanage. She is optimistic despite her unfortunate circumstances and grim future as an orphan. Judy is skilled at writing – which prompted an anonymous benefactor, one of the orphanage’s trustees, to offer to send her to college on the condition that she write him letters regularly to update him on her progress. Mrs. Lippert, the orphanage administrator, told her that Judy was not to expect any replies or attempt to discover his identity. She never met her benefactor. Her only glimpse of him is a shadow on the wall in the orphanage hallway, which reminds her of a long-legged spider, so she whimsically nicknames him “Daddy-Long-Legs.”

Judy is surrounded by girls from affluent backgrounds at college and quickly realizes how different her upbringing was. For example, she seemed ignorant of certain books every girl read, such as “Little Women.” Undeterred, she sets out to bridge this gap, immersing herself in books, studying diligently, and working to improve her education. Her unwavering determination, despite the odds, is truly inspiring as she begins to blossom intellectually and socially, learning about life beyond the orphanage. 

Judy becomes close friends with her roommates, including Julia Pendleton, who comes from a wealthy family. Julia asks Judy to meet her uncle, Mr. Jervis Pendleton, who is 14 years older than them. Over time, Judy grows fond of Mr. Jervis. However, she initially keeps her feelings to herself, fearful of how to navigate her growing emotions.

As Judy’s education progresses, she gains confidence and sees her potential as a writer. She earns a scholarship (her sponsor told her to decline). She even sells her first piece of writing for $50, a testament to her emerging talent as a writer. Her growth, from a young orphan to a confident and talented individual is something to be proud of. At one point, her mysterious benefactor, Daddy-Long-Legs, suggests she spend a summer in Europe to broaden her horizons, but Judy declines, wanting to remain grounded in her studies. Mr. Jervis tries to persuade her to go, but she stays firm in her decision.

Judy’s feelings for Mr. Jervis deepen, but she is afraid to confess everything about her past to him, worrying about how it might affect their relationship. She is also worried that her upbringing may negatively impact him. A misunderstanding arises when Mr. Jervis believes Judy has feelings for Jimmy McBride, the brother of her close friend Sally. He misunderstands that Judy would like to marry Jimmy. Hurt and confused, he distances himself from her.

Missing Mr. Jervis, Judy writes to Daddy-Long-Legs about her feelings toward him and how she messed up her relationship entirely due to fear. Later, she is summoned by her benefactor’s secretary, who informs her that her mysterious sponsor is ill. When Judy visits him, she is stunned to discover that Mr. Jervis Pendleton has been her benefactor, Daddy-Long-Legs all along. Their mutual feelings are finally revealed, and the novel ends with Judy and Jervis coming together in love.

Historical and Social Context

Daddy-Long-Legs is a romantic novel with an exciting twist. It was written when few people, especially women and orphans, could attend university. In the early 20th century, like the book’s protagonist, Judy, total orphans often faced grim futures. Many were destined for lives of servitude or were sent West to work on farms. Unlike Judy’s fairy-tale-like experience, most real-life orphans were not so fortunate.

Orphanages have existed in the United States since the mid-19th century, and charitable organizations often found them. The need for them grew between 1830 and 1850 due to health epidemics such as Cholera and Tuberculosis. Many children in these institutions were housed temporarily until their parents could recover financially. Only about 30% of orphans were “total orphans,” with no family to return to. Life after the orphanage was often bleak for these children, with few opportunities. The U.S., like other countries, usually sent these orphans to far-flung areas for labor, much like Anne of Green Gables depicts. Judy’s story in Daddy-Long-Legs, where she receives an education and support from a benefactor, is closer to a fairy tale.

Regarding female education, the U.S. held relatively progressive views from the early 19th century onward. The first women’s college was established in 1836; by 1875, around 50 colleges opened their doors to women. Many scholars trace this educational progress back to the influence of New England Puritan beliefs, emphasizing that boys and girls should be able to read. Primary schooling became more accessible, and by 1750, nearly 90% of women in New England were literate, with some advancing to secondary education. However, formal schooling was still limited to those with means, which is why many young women, like Judy, needed a benefactor to attend college.

Judy’s benefactor, Mr. Jervis, is mentioned as a socialist in her letters, adding a unique dimension to his role. In the context of early 20th-century America, his support for Judy’s education reflects a progressive outlook that was not common for his time.

Impression of the Book

Daddy-Long-Legs is written epistolary, where the narrative unfolds through letters. Through Judy’s correspondence, we witness her journey from a young girl to an independent young woman. As I read the book, I was pleasantly surprised by how clearly her letters convey her growth. While there is a romantic element to the story, I believe the author’s primary focus is on the importance of education for all, regardless of gender or social status.

Despite the progressive strides in education, gender expectations remained robust in early 20th-century America. These can also be explored in other works, such as The Awakening. At the time, it was still uncommon for a girl of Judy’s background to receive such an education, let alone attend university.

Personal Impact

Reading Daddy-Long-Legs brought back memories of other works I encountered at an early age, such as Little Women, Vanity Fair, David Copperfield, and Hamlet. I had already read these books by the time I graduated elementary school.

As a child, I remember being surprised by the revelation that Mr. Jervis was Judy’s benefactor. However, in hindsight, the clues were evident throughout the story. For example, his interest in literature, like taking the girls to see Macbeth, hinted at his identity. His actions, preventing Judy from spending the summer at Sally’s house, may have been motivated by a hint of jealousy towards Jimmy. Reading the book now, with full knowledge of the ending, I see all the signs I missed in my younger years. That plot twist left a lasting impression on me as a child.

As a young reader, the more English Literature I read, the more I want to learn English to read all this literature in English. I also thought about the possibilities that Education could open future options later in my life. Nothing is 100%; however, introducing a book like “Daddy-Long-Legs” can impact a young child.

References

Carlton, G. (2023, March 20). A History of Women in Higher Education | BestColleges. https://www.bestcolleges.com/news/analysis/2021/03/21/history-women-higher-education/

Women’s education in the United States. (2024, August 27). In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women%27s_education_in_the_United_States

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How Small Changes To Make My Daily Routine Better

Written August 2, 2024

Hello Dear Readers,

Over the past few weeks, I’ve introduced some new routines into my daily life, including running and lawn mowing. While these activities are refreshing and beneficial, they’ve also presented challenges, particularly in maintaining my schedule. I’ve found it difficult to complete my tasks as smoothly as I would like, and it’s made me reflect on how we often need to make adjustments when we introduce something new into our lives. When you’re trying something unfamiliar, it’s common to tweak your routine multiple times before it feels right and fits seamlessly into your lifestyle. Without these adjustments, there’s a risk of falling into a pattern of making excuses to avoid specific tasks, especially the more daunting ones. Eventually, you might stop doing them altogether.

In my case, I’ve been trying to juggle multiple responsibilities—on top of my new running and mowing schedule; I still want to keep up with my regular chores, like laundry and vacuuming the house. It’s a balancing act, and I’ve noticed that when I try to pack too much into a single day, I get exhausted relatively quickly. The summer heat in Nashville only intensifies this fatigue, making it even harder to stay on top of everything. I realized that if I didn’t find a way to manage my time and energy better, I might start dropping some of these activities, which I didn’t want to happen.

After some trial and error, I discovered that the key to improving my routines—running, kombucha bottling, or laundry—was to start earlier. This simple change has made a significant difference. For example, I’ve started bottling kombucha and doing laundry a day earlier than I used to. Additionally, I’ve begun running and lawn mowing several hours earlier in the day. These adjustments have been surprisingly effective.

I implemented my new laundry plan this week, and it’s been a success. Instead of doing all the laundry in one go, I’ve split the tasks across two days. I tackle some of the laundry on Thursday and finish the rest on Friday. This change has had a positive ripple effect on my running routine. I’m not as exhausted as I used to be, so I have more energy left for my runs later in the day. In fact, I beat my target pace while running this morning—a small victory that felt incredibly rewarding. It’s incredible how a few simple tweaks can lead to such noticeable improvements in multiple areas of life.

From this experience, I’ve learned that starting tasks earlier not only helps me get them done more efficiently but also reduces the mental burden of having to begin them in the first place. There’s something liberating about knowing that I’ve already checked off a significant part of my to-do list by the time the day is in full swing. It’s one less thing to worry about, and that peace of mind is invaluable.

Looking forward, when I think about new routines or habits I want to develop, I’ll keep this lesson in mind: start earlier than necessary. This approach not only sets me up for success but also opens the door to further improvements down the line. While I might find opportunities to refine these routines in the future, for now, I’m satisfied with the progress I’ve made. It’s a good reminder that the most minor changes can sometimes have the most significant impact.