Negotiations with a Tired Body (and a Lawnmower)

Written June 12, 2025

Hello Dear Readers,

As per tradition—and by “tradition,” I mean “necessity born from heat survival instincts”—I began my day mowing the lawn. Here in Nashville, the summer sun doesn’t just rise, it attacks. So if you’ve got a body like mine—one that treats both heatwaves and cold snaps like personal insults—you learn to outsmart the weather before it starts throwing punches.

Normally, I can mow half the yard and still have enough gas left in the tank to face the rest of the day. But today? Nope. After mowing, my body filed a formal complaint and went straight into shutdown mode. I skipped my pre-breakfast exercises, half-expecting that would be it for the day’s physical activity. My body said no. My willpower said maybe. Eventually, I rolled onto the mat for some planks and stretches—not exactly Olympic training, but hey, it counts.

Somehow, I rallied enough energy to squeeze in my planks and arm curls. I didn’t bounce back; I meandered back—like a weary turtle doing yoga. Still, I did it. Not exactly on schedule, but sometimes winning means just showing up… 30 minutes later than planned and slightly annoyed.

Now here’s the kicker. I can’t tell what’s making me tired: the weather, age, my kidneys, or some perfect storm of all three. Whatever it is, when I push too hard, I morph into something between a zombie and a disgruntled houseplant. Meanwhile, my wife bounces around like she’s got a backup battery installed. She claims she struggles in the morning, but by the time I’m up, she’s practically done with her workout and halfway through a motivational podcast. She says she’s slow in the morning. I say she’s just being polite to us mortals.

So I’ve had to learn the art of negotiation—not with clients or coworkers, but with my own body. Some days, I push things to tomorrow, knowing full well tomorrow might need to be negotiated too. Other days, I rest so I can function again in the afternoon. This is not laziness. This is energy management. The strategic pause. The recharge pit stop.

I’ve had a kidney condition for who knows how long—discovered only after a brain stroke crashed the party. Maybe I’ve always been running at 70% battery while others (like my wife) were born with solar panels. And yes, I know comparison is the thief of joy… but sometimes it also leaves a trail of gym clothes and lawn clippings.

I don’t have a high-energy body. But I do have a high-effort mindset. So I’ll keep negotiating with this unpredictable, occasionally rebellious body of mine. I may not be fast. I may not be consistent. But I am persistent—and that counts for something.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to rest heroically so I can finish my to-do list… sometime before winter.

Fighting with Chronic Fatigue with a Compromised Kidney Condition

Written 6/21/2024

Hello Dear Readers,

Sometimes, despite my best efforts, I feel like I am coming up short. My body bears the brunt of this battle, feeling worn and tender with a mild, persistent ache across my muscles. My ongoing struggle with a kidney condition drains me, leaving me feeling like an empty shell—a zombie, if you will—utterly devoid of energy, craving nothing more than to remain motionless.

Then my thoughts drift back to last night. Even though I was physically spent, sleep eluded me. This isn’t a new ordeal; falling asleep has always been a monumental task for me, requiring intense focus—and ironically, when I’m exhausted, it feels as though I’m too tired even to sleep.

I can’t help but think that my physical condition is tied to these sleep challenges. Yesterday, for instance, I mowed the lawn, a particularly strenuous task. However, I managed to complete it without getting dehydrated, following my doctor’s strict advice to stay hydrated. 

Dehydration stresses my kidneys, forcing them to work overtime, so I conscientiously keep up my fluid intake. Sometimes, the heat in Nashville can be overwhelming. This June has been unusually hotter than usual, causing me to sweat excessively. The usual recommended amount of 1.5 liters of water isn’t sufficient anymore. This increase in heat and sweating means I’m likely not drinking enough water, leading to dehydration, which invariably makes it difficult to fall asleep.

Sleep, as we all know, is crucial. It’s become clear that I need to find better strategies to ease myself into rest. Being on numerous medications, I tread carefully around supplements or herbal remedies to avoid any potential interactions. My wife, who used to struggle with sleep herself, has found solace in meditation before bedtime. She was once a night owl, frequently battling to get some rest, but now, meditation helps her drift off quite swiftly.

Living with a kidney condition that leads to chronic fatigue is a constant balancing act. Every day, I have to be mindful of my physical activities, hydration, and sleep preparation. It’s a comprehensive approach, looking after not just my kidney health but my overall well-being. Managing this condition is not just about following doctor’s orders—it’s about adjusting my lifestyle to accommodate my body’s needs.

I’ve learned that self-care is not just a practice but a necessity. It involves listening deeply to my body’s signals and responding patiently and kindly. Whether it’s choosing to rest instead of pushing through another chore or remembering to hydrate diligently, these small decisions significantly impact my quality of life.

As I continue to navigate this journey, I find strength in the small victories—completing daily tasks without compromising my hydration, gradually finding what helps me unwind and rest, and learning from each experience. Living with a chronic condition isn’t just about managing symptoms. It’s about understanding and adapting to your body’s new limits and finding ways to live within them peacefully and productively.

To those who might be on a similar path, know that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed at times. It’s okay to feel like you’re not doing enough, even when you’re doing all you can. The key is exploring, adjusting, and finding what works for you. Patience, persistence, and self-compassion are your best tools on this journey.