Tag: Personal Growth

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Shorts Weather, Long Distance, and a 10K Victory

Brian’s fitness journal after a brain stroke

Today’s mission depended on one critical variable: temperature. I waited patiently for it to rise just enough to justify running in shorts—quite possibly my final bare-legged appearance of the year. Once conditions were approved by the unofficial weather committee (me), I headed out for my 10K run with one ambitious goal in mind: hit my final speed target for the year.

The last two runs were hard 5Ks, and I’d pushed aggressively for pace. Somehow, my body had recovered better than expected, which gave me hope. Dangerous hope. The motivational kind.

After the first quarter kilometer, I was well ahead of target. That early success flipped a switch in my brain: Maintain this at all costs. Each pace announcement reinforced the fantasy that today might actually be the day. Naturally, I pushed harder.

Now, the body is essentially an energy budget. Spend too much too early, and you go bankrupt before the finish line. I knew I was overspending. By the end of the first kilometer, my head start had shrunk—but I was still safely ahead, so I continued the dangerous strategy known as optimism. By the 5K mark, I had beaten my target pace by a comfortable margin.

But I wasn’t content with “comfortable.”

I wanted a new personal best 10K.
I wanted my first ever sub-9-minute-per-kilometer 10K.
And I still had half the distance left to survive.

The final two kilometers were brutal. My lead evaporated faster than my confidence during those last pushes. Every step felt like a negotiation. With three seconds to spare—three—I crossed the line under my sub-9 goal.

I did it.
New personal best.
Goal achieved.
Shorts weather honored.

For a brief moment, I considered retiring for the rest of the year. After all, it’s still early November. Why not celebrate with a well-earned vacation from running? That thought lasted exactly as long as the walk home.

Instead, I doubled down.

Next year’s goal is already on the table: shave off another full minute from my pace. Is it realistic? I honestly don’t know. But it’s achievable to try—and that’s the part that still matters most.

So on Monday, the next mission begins.

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When Muscles Protest but Motivation Wins the Argument

Brian’s fitness journal after a brain stroke

Today, I fully expected to fail my target pace before I even tied my running shoes. My legs were still filing formal complaints from yesterday’s effort—the direct result of pushing hard for that shiny new personal best the other day. Consecutive personal bests are a bold request of the universe, and I had already braced myself for disappointment. Pre-disappointment, if you will.

And yet… the goal refused to leave my head.

The first pace announcement came in, and to my surprise, I was slightly ahead of target after the first quarter kilometer. That tiny lead was just enough encouragement to make a reckless decision: push harder. Hope is powerful—and occasionally unwise.

For a while, it worked.

Then reality caught up. By the end of the second kilometer, that early lead had completely evaporated. My legs stiffened like they had clocked out early. I tried to push again, but my body had officially entered “no further negotiations” mode. No matter how much I argued with my pace, it refused to come back down.

In the end, I missed my target—but only by about ten seconds. I also logged my eighth-fastest run ever, which is not exactly a tragedy. I was still more than a minute faster than Monday’s run, so overall, progress was very much alive… just not wearing a gold medal today.

Now the focus shifts to recovery. My next run is a 10K, not a 5K, and that’s a different kind of negotiation altogether. Pace management over 10 kilometers is much trickier—start too fast, and the second half will collect its revenge with interest. I’ve been running for nearly a decade, and yet I still struggle with pacing like it’s a lifelong riddle.

My body condition and temperature affect my running more than I’d like to admit. Recovery is especially tricky with my kidney condition. Even after a few days of rest, it’s not unusual for my body to feel like it hasn’t fully recharged. The last two sessions were particularly hard pushes, so caution is now my training partner. I may not be improving at the speed I imagine in my head—but I am moving forward. And more importantly, I still have something to run toward. These days, the hope matters more than the stopwatch. Performance fades. Motivation, when treated kindly, sticks around.

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Warm Weather, Fast Legs, and a New Personal Best

Brian’s fitness journal after a brain stroke

As forecast, today’s weather finally decided to be kind. After nearly a week of cold and rainy misery, I was able to run in shorts again—which, this time of year, feels like winning the fitness lottery. I waited out a brief cool morning delay, and then I was off. Pure luxury.

There are fewer than two months left in the year now. I’ve already hit my original year-end running goals, so naturally, I moved the finish line. Running, after all, is highly negotiable with the weather. Temperature rules everything: my pace, my motivation, and occasionally my mood. The last few cold days were rough, and hitting my target pace felt like negotiating with gravity.

But when I checked today’s forecast, I knew. Today is the day.

And my body agreed.

From the first kilometer, everything felt smoother—lighter, faster, less like I was dragging winter behind me. My running app announced my pace each kilometer like a tiny motivational coach. Each update sounded better than the last. By the end, my target pace had dropped to just under 9 minutes per kilometer. Not only did I beat my target—I crushed it. I even set a new personal best, running more than a full minute faster than my run just two days ago.

Weather is powerful. But on my cooldown walk home, curiosity kicked in. Why was today so much better?

Then it hit me—I was also a pound lighter than I was on Monday. Add in less water weight, and suddenly I was carrying about two pounds less than my last run. And while two pounds doesn’t sound dramatic, try hauling it around for five kilometers and see how heroic you feel.

Between the warmer temperatures, time-change recovery, and lighter load, everything lined up perfectly.

My last running goal for the year is simple but stubborn: finish a 10K at under 9 minutes per kilometer. I only attempt a 10K once a week, so the weather still holds all the bargaining power. A cold or rainy day can turn that goal into a negotiation with reality.

Still, I haven’t given up. There are nearly two months left in the year—and at least a few more warm days hiding in the forecast. Somewhere out there, my next breakthrough is waiting, probably wearing shorts.

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Time Change Chaos and a Kitten Boss

Brian’s fitness journal after a brain stroke

Time change season is here again—the biannual ritual where humans pretend one hour is no big deal, while our biological clocks absolutely disagree. My wife and I both struggle with it. She even started adjusting a day early, as if easing into jet lag without the benefit of a vacation. Neither of us grew up with daylight savings—Japan doesn’t use it, and I once lived in a part of the U.S. where clocks remain blissfully untouched—so after decades, it still feels unnatural.

I work from home and live by my own schedule, so waking up early or late doesn’t cause any major disasters. Still, I like to keep my time consistent—mostly because my wife has a strict work routine, and I want to stay synchronized for the sake of household harmony. I allow myself just enough flexibility to keep life interesting.

This morning, however, my alarm dragged me out of sleep far too early. I remembered the time change and thought smugly, “I’ll just sleep in a little longer.” Unfortunately, this plan was immediately vetoed by our kitten, who stomped upstairs like a tiny furry manager, dropped her toy mouse onto my chest, and demanded a meeting.

My wife had already fed her hours earlier—she wakes up long before I do in order to exercise and prepare for work. Usually, once the kitten eats, she either curls back up beside me or disappears to find trouble somewhere else. But today? She wanted the morning shift on my schedule. And she wanted it now.

So Our Kitten

Ignoring her is not an option. When I try, she escalates the situation by repeatedly dropping the toy mouse onto me with the precision of a trained negotiator. Eventually, I surrendered. I dragged myself out of bed, fixed breakfast, and went downstairs for my mandatory “fetch with mouse toy” session. She observed my compliance with great satisfaction.

Honestly, she’s not the worst alarm clock. She’s on time, persistent, and offers plenty of accountability—whether I asked for it or not. And on days when I want to get a lot done, having a tiny, determined supervisor staring at me actually helps.

She is my new boss. And she’s learning her rights very quickly.

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Cold Weather Running, Frustration, and Nietzsche: A November Runner’s Tale

Brian’s fitness journal after a brain stroke

I can’t believe it’s already November. One week we’re basking in warm weather, and the next we’re suddenly living inside a refrigerator. But cold or not, I refuse to stop running. I simply layer up like an onion with cardio goals.

This morning, my fitness tracker declared I had “high energy” and was in a “cardio-ready state.” Lies. All lies. My 5k quickly turned into a comedy of disappointment.

I blasted out of the gate so strongly that by the first quarter kilometer, I was a glorious 40 seconds ahead of my goal pace. Unfortunately, by the time I hit the first full kilometer, that 40-second buffer had vaporized—like steam on a cold morning—and I was actively fighting gravity, time, and possibly physics to keep from slowing further.

My running app updates me every quarter kilometer like a friendly but brutally honest coach. Each announcement informed me that my pace was either the same or a second slower. Meanwhile, I felt like I was pushing harder than a Black Friday shopper. Yet the data said otherwise.

Cold weather is always more brutal for me. Ever since my brain stroke, my body adapts to temperature changes about as gracefully as an old computer installing a software update. So I have to be very deliberate about my clothing: too cold and I stiffen up; too warm and I overheat. Dressing for a winter run feels like preparing for a NASA spacewalk—one wrong layer and the mission goes sideways.

Even with all the challenges, I finished my 10k only 21 seconds behind my target pace. Not ideal, but far from a disaster. And I was much faster than last week’s 10k, so progress is still happening—just slowly, like a stubborn download progress bar.

Running is one of those long-term investments that requires patience… and more patience… and then even more patience. I’ve been running for nearly a decade, and while 5k used to feel like medieval torture, once I learned to run 10k consistently, the shorter distance stopped scaring me, but chasing a target pace? That always requires grit, stubbornness, and the willingness to suffer a little.

Cold days make it harder—pushing harder doesn’t guarantee results. Sometimes your body simply files a complaint.

My wife always reminds me: One day at a time. One step at a time. Every project has ups and downs, and effort still counts even when the outcome isn’t what we imagined.

Nietzsche might call today’s struggle a small act of “self-overcoming”—choosing the higher challenge instead of the comfortable shortcut. So instead of dwelling on today’s frustrations, I’m choosing to see it as another step toward a stronger version of myself.

And honestly? That feels like its own victory.

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 A Quiet Halloween With My Family, the Power of Small Traditions

Brian’s fitness journal after a brain stroke

Today is Halloween—a day for candy, costumes, and the annual realization that we bought way too many treats for the number of children who actually show up at our door. My wife, ever the organized one, stocked up a full month in advance so she wouldn’t have to run to Target in a last-minute panic. We didn’t buy much this year, partly because we’ve learned our lesson: our neighborhood has fewer children than a retirement village during nap time.

My wife still feels a little sad about it. Back when she lived in Canada, she used to get over 130 eager trick-or-treaters in a single night. Meanwhile, in Portland, we got zero. Nashville is somewhere in the middle—technically there are children, they just don’t seem particularly motivated to walk to our house.

Since supply far exceeds demand, each tiny visitor gets the full VIP candy upgrade. But tonight, the doorbell barely rang. Maybe kids nowadays collect candy with efficiency—three neighborhoods, one Tesla-chauffeured parent, and they’re done. Or maybe the cold weather scared them back into their cozy living rooms. Either way, we were ready; they were not.

My nieces, on the other hand, were thrilled. My sister started sewing her daughter’s costume in August. August. That is Olympic-level parenting. She loves crafting, so Halloween is basically her personal Super Bowl.

I don’t wear a costume, but seeing kids dressed up always brings back happy memories from my childhood—when Halloween meant adventure, sugar, and a truly questionable amount of independence. But tonight, with even fewer visitors than last year, I eventually turned off the porch light and declared the event officially concluded.

In better news, our cat had a fantastic Halloween. We got her a festive Halloween-themed collar, and she strutted around as if she were the CEO of Spooky Season. My wife has already purchased a Thanksgiving-themed one, too, so clearly the cat is celebrating more enthusiastically than we are. I took some photos to send to friends and family. When your cat is basically your child, this is entirely acceptable.

Halloween is also my toothbrush-switching day. My birthday sits exactly six months away, so it works as a built-in reminder. And when I change toothbrushes, I also check the thermostat batteries and the smoke detectors—basically a seasonal home maintenance celebration.

After my brain stroke, I had to rebuild my habits from scratch. Memory becomes unpredictable when your brain has taken a hit. My wife helped me retrain my routines, one slow step at a time. In the beginning, my hands didn’t cooperate well, so even simple tasks felt like climbing a mountain. But I kept going. Today, I’m proud to say my routines are stronger—and more intentional—than ever before.

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A Day of Small Chaos and Sweet Rewards

Brian’s fitness journal after a brain stroke

I woke up this morning to the gentle sound of rain tapping on the window—nature’s way of saying, “Good morning, here’s a free car wash for your soul.” My wife informed me that earlier, it had been raining so hard that she abandoned her morning workout. This is shocking because she usually treats her exercise routine with the seriousness of a NASA launch checklist. If she skips, something dramatic has happened. And yes—when I peeked outside, I understood. It was cold, gloomy, and the kind of rain that makes even Halloween candy nervous.

Today was also my “second attempt” at a dentist appointment—because I completely missed the first one. (If Forgetfulness were an Olympic sport, I’d have a medal by now.) My wife kindly offered to drive me, even though the clinic is within walking distance, but my weather app swore on its digital life that the rain would stop. And for once, it didn’t lie. Several hours later, the rain paused, and I set off on foot.

I told my wife I didn’t need the ride, and since she was on a work call, I quietly snuck out of the house like a teenager breaking curfew—except I was headed to get my teeth cleaned, not to a party.

The appointment went smoothly, but as soon as I stepped outside, the sky decided to rejoin the conversation. It started raining again on my way home. This was inconvenient, because my grand plan was to run right after the dentist. My schedule was already wobbling like a badly balanced washing machine, so I knew I had to get home and sprint back out immediately.

Luckily, the rain downgraded itself from “dramatic monologue” to “occasional sprinkle.” Still, it was cold enough to remind me it is indeed autumn. After 30 minutes of running in this half-rain, half-air situation, I was soaked, chilled, and squinting through water-speckled glasses, which is perhaps the least aerodynamic condition imaginable. I didn’t hit my target pace, but I was close enough to blame it on meteorology with dignity.

Now, here’s the best part: every time I go to the dentist, I treat myself to a cupcake from the bakery nearby. Tradition is important, after all. I asked my wife if she wanted one, but she declined—as she usually does. She does not share my passionate, borderline-philosophical relationship with sweets. Her loss, I say. I thought about that cupcake during my entire run like it was the Holy Grail. And yes—I ate it after my shower, and it was spectacular.

One dentist appointment down. Another one set—six months from now. This time, I saved it in my Google Calendar with enough alerts to wake the dead. May I never miss it again.

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Lesson Learned from Missed a Dentist Appointment

Brian’s fitness journal after a brain stroke

Today, I had a dentist appointment—emphasis on had. As in: it existed, it was scheduled, it was on my Google Calendar, it came with not one but two automated reminders… and yet somehow my brain decided to treat it like deleted spam. The dentist’s office called asking where I was, and I had the audacity to be surprised.

I apologized profusely, of course. Thankfully, they squeezed me in for tomorrow. Pure luck. I still remember when my wife had to reschedule once because of a last-minute work emergency—she waited ages for a new slot, partly because she’s extremely particular about her appointment times. Early morning only. Never the first several days of any month, end of the month, quarter-end, year-end, or audit days. Her calendar has more rules than the IRS handbook.

Meanwhile, I’m flexible. If the dentist said, “We have a 3:17 p.m. slot behind the storage closet,” I would simply say, “Great, see you then.”

What Made Me To Miss The Appointment

Still, I’m annoyed with myself. Missing medical appointments is no small thing—especially when doctors plan their schedules months in advance. We book our dental visits six months out for a reason, not because I enjoy committing to events half a year before I know what my face will look like.

After my brain stroke and the possibility of a kidney transplant came up, my doctor told me to keep every tooth in perfect shape—no cavities, no surprises. So for the last decade, I’ve treated my mouth like a priceless museum artifact.

One of the reasons we chose our current home was that the dentist (and my other doctors) are within walking distance. My wife made sure of that. She wanted me to be able to walk over anytime something unusual happened—loose retainer, chipped tooth, mysterious twinge—without relying on Uber or coordinating schedules. I love that freedom more than I care to admit.

And that’s why missing today’s appointment felt unacceptable. I pride myself on keeping things under control, and yet my brain decided to take a personal day.

Next To Do Action

So tomorrow, I’ll walk to the dentist just after noon, reshuffle my entire schedule, and run later in the day. I checked the weather—it might rain, but at least the temperature looks friendly. If nothing else, this whole ordeal taught me one thing: I need a better reminder system… or maybe a personal assistant whose only job is to drag me to medical appointments.

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When Your Run Falls Apart, but Your Progress Doesn’t

Brian’s fitness journal after a brain stroke

Today’s run was… let’s call it “character-building.” On Wednesday, I set a new personal best and thought, “Ah yes, this is who I am now—Speed.” Today, however, my legs politely reminded me that I’m actually more of a seasonal subscription: sometimes fast, sometimes not, and occasionally buffering.

I use a free running app that announces my pace every quarter kilometer. Think of it like a personal pacer—except instead of a cheerful human holding a sign, it’s a disembodied voice that calmly informs me I’m behind… again. I originally set it up because my wife once told me that beginner runners tend to sprint at the start and then collapse like poorly made soufflés. Fair point. So now I let the app dictate a sustainable pace—my own digital pacer, minus the neon outfit.

Usually, the system works—until it doesn’t. By the third kilometer today, I was more than a minute behind my goal. I spent the rest of the run trying to negotiate with my legs like a hostage negotiator. I managed to finish the 5k slightly less behind schedule, but still not close to what I hoped for.

I’ve been running for nearly a decade, so none of this should shock me. Pace goes up, pace goes down—it’s basically the stock market in sneakers. Weather, sleep, body condition, last night’s workout, and whether the universe feels benevolent all factor in.

My kidneys, of course, love to complicate things. With barely 20% function on my last lab test, they’re like coworkers who contribute very little but still demand regular attention. In the summer, my numbers dip even more, and I have to be careful with protein like it’s contraband. One extra hour of outdoor chores can knock my cardio readiness off a cliff. Yet my doctor still encourages me to run, because running keeps my health from slipping further.

Given everything, I try to stay positive. After all, compared to surviving a brain stroke, a slow run is just a slightly dramatic inconvenience. I’m not the fastest runner—not even close—but running has helped me maintain my kidney health and sanity.

Still, disappointment is real. When you’re pushing so hard and don’t get the result you hoped for, it stings. But as I was cooling down, walking home like a Victorian poet contemplating fate, I remembered something important: even on a bad day, I’m faster than I was a year ago, when I was desperately trying to break a 10-minute pace. Progress isn’t a straight line. Sometimes it looks like a toddler’s scribble. Yes, today was slow. But I am faster overall. I am stronger overall. And as long as I keep showing up—even limping slightly—I will keep getting better. One imperfect run at a time.

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A Lesson in Routine and Resetting With One Small Change

Brian’s fitness journal after a brain stroke

Hello Dear Readers,

Today began in a way that completely threw off my usual rhythm. We had planned a trip to the Asian grocery store to pick up some essentials — tofu, fried tofu (aburaage), and miso. We don’t go often, but when we do, it’s serious business. My wife stocks up and preserves everything carefully so it lasts. For her, one grocery trip means the next one to two hours are dedicated to washing, prepping, and storing, which also means she has to rearrange her entire weekly schedule. She plans these things like military operations — I usually know about Asian grocery day a week in advance.

But today, I failed the mission briefing. I overslept. By the time I woke up, it was already the time we were supposed to leave. So I rushed: got dressed, shoveled cereal into my mouth, and skipped my usual morning routine entirely. No planks, no language study, no texting my sisters. All of it postponed until after the grocery run.

This small shift — waking up late — changed the energy of the whole morning. My wife had already finished her entire morning routine before we left, of course. Meanwhile, I felt like I was sprinting from behind the entire day. Still, once we returned home, I told myself: just start. So I began working through my to-do list.

I wanted to run my 10k before the temperature climbed too high, so I pushed some other tasks to later and headed out. Normally, I check my headset while stretching after my plank session — but since I skipped everything, I also skipped the headset check. And just 2 kilometers into the run, my headset battery died. Complete silence.

I pushed through one more kilometer, but imagining another hour of silent running felt like an emotional desert. So, I stopped.

For me, having an audiobook during a run is more than background noise — it keeps me moving, keeps me focused. Without it, everything feels heavier. But despite the rocky morning, I still managed to get my chores done later, just like any other Saturday.

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