Written on January 7, 2024
Throughout my life, I often encountered the philosophical musing: if given the chance, would one return to their youth with the wisdom they’ve accumulated? For the longest time, my answer was a resolute no. My younger years were not periods I looked back on fondly, and the prospect of revisiting them, even with the advantage of hindsight, seemed far from appealing. However, fate, through the unexpected event of a stroke, made this decision on my behalf. In a bizarre twist, I was thrust back to a state resembling my youth, where essential habits and skills I took for granted were wiped clean, necessitating a thorough relearning process akin to a child taking their first steps.
The journey was nothing short of frustrating. Imagine, if you will, the sudden and complete loss of control over bodily functions once operated on autopilot. The mere act of walking became a Herculean task that demanded my full attention and effort. It was during this time, amidst the throes of rehabilitation and reacquaintance with my own body, that I decided to shift my perspective. Rather than mourning the loss of my former capabilities, I chose to view this as an opportunity to rebuild myself, but better.
This shift had its challenges. My natural inclination towards perfectionism meant that each failure and stumble was met with harsh self-criticism. Yet, the stroke provided an undeniable excuse for every shortcoming. Dropped a glass? A direct consequence of the stroke. Forgot to refrigerate the leftovers? Another lapse courtesy of my condition. While it was tempting to lean on these excuses, I recognized the danger of allowing my stroke to become a crutch that hindered improvement.
Determined to overcome, I made a pact with myself to persevere. While my stroke was a legitimate barrier to achieving perfection, it wasn’t an impossible one preventing improvement. Embracing kindness towards myself in the face of failure became a transformative practice. This newfound leniency allowed me to approach tasks with a beginner’s mindset, gradually improving without the pressure to achieve mastery from the outset.
Logging and Journaling became vital in this process, providing a tangible record of my progress. Over five years, this practice revealed to me just how far I had come. The path to recovery and self-betterment was slow, often imperceptible from day to day, but the cumulative effect was undeniable.
In retrospect, the stroke inadvertently forced me into the very scenario I had long dismissed. Returning to a state of developing ability with the wisdom of my years became a blessing in disguise. It offered me a second chance at relearning how to live and live better. Through this journey, I discovered resilience, patience, and a more profound kindness towards myself that I might never have found otherwise.